25
Oct
2011
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
I've mentioned before in the comment section and on different posts, when I wrote the first short story about Michael it was pure, delicious fun. Other short stories followed because the response was so positive. I had never read a fan fiction story in my life and truthfully, at the time, I did not know what they were. When I wrote the first chapter of Cowboy Mike, I was asked if I was going to continue the story and after writing the second chapter, I thought to myself, okay, I'll do it. But from the very beginning I knew that the only way I would continue to write the story was if I could address the many issues that I felt Michael faced during his life time, primarily the fact that he was objectified and used from the time that he was a child, first by his parents and siblings and then as he grew as an artist by the world at large.
There were other issues I wanted to address as well, his nebulous sexuality, the appalling invasion of his privacy and the inhuman labeling of him, being just a few. I believe Michael, in addition to being an obviously artistically gifted human being, was also highly empathic. By this I mean I believe Michael was extremely sensitive to the feelings of people around him. Having my own personal history with this, I felt I could bring a unique perspective to Micheal's story, a story so many people have attempted to tell in the past. Central to my intention in writing the story was giving Michael, in fiction, the normality and love that had been robbed from him in life.
Being a creative person, both an artist and a writer, it was inevitable that CCC would come to be, first on blogger and then on its own site; there were just too many ideas that I wanted to incorporate into this project. So, of course, I attracted a lot of attention. People come in varying personalities so I attracted both the good and the bad. I've spoken about this already, but there were many people who wanted to align themselves with me, not for what they could bring to this place, but for what they could get from me -- popularity, ideas for their own sites and stories about Michael -- who knows. While I love to help and inspire I didn't appreciate the usurious aspect of those alliances.
It should have been obvious to me, but really wasn't at first, that of course I would attract in writing this story and creating CCC, the same types of personalities that Michael also attracted in his life time! I hinted at this in Will the Real Michael Jackson Stand Up but what I am going to say now is not going to be popular, but it needs to be said.
Michael had the most loving, sensitive and devoted fans but he also attracted the most insensitive, callous and obsessive people that I've ever observed. In writing this story I've come in contact with both ends of the spectrum, and also those in between. Michael had fans who saw past the show, the image and the performance to the man, the person and he also had fans who only saw the image, the performance and who REFUSED to see pass that. I'm speaking of the people who thought Michael was perfect and could do no wrong; who refuse to acknowledge the many issues he obviously struggled with in life and the ones who see him mainly and specifically as a sex symbol.
People are who they are and you cannot change them. Artists hope that they can. Writers write to empower and influence, it's true. So in writing CBM, perhaps there was a subconscious wish that I would somehow reach those people and humanize Michael in their eyes. I'm not sure if that was the case but it seems plausible. So when I started to feel that my story about Michael was not being received as a story that humanizes him, but was being instead used as a story that further exploited him, making him into a sexual object without substance, I voiced my concerns and spoke again about my intention for the story.
I wanted CCC to be an all inclusive space where many people could come together and discuss Michael, the man, not just the sex symbol, not the stand in lover that many wished he could have been, but the person, with all of his faults and issues and gifts and virtues. I also expressed that I needed feedback to motivate me to continue writing, something that was consuming a lot of my time and for which I was not being paid a single penny.
The stories were made private and I decided only to invite those to read who shared my vision. In doing so, it was clear that there were a few people who would pretend to share that vision just so they could read the story. I knew they had no intention of giving feed back and would just say whatever they needed to get approved. This is human nature, I suppose. But again, like I've said, I view this as just more of the same personalities that Michael attracted to him all his life, people who wanted something for nothing, and the irony of that is amazing to me.
Now after so many months I have to just say I've reached a point where I feel that I am giving so much more than I am receiving in this process. To make matters worst, I sort of naively embarked on this journey not really realizing how much angst and hatred has been projected onto Michael all his life, and even after death and being exposed to that is starting to have a negative affect on me.
Writing the story involved and still involves many hours of research. During this research, I have become familiar with the viscous and relentless way that the press has attacked Michael Jackson all his life and continues, again, to do so after his death. It is just heart-breaking. In tangent with becoming familiar with the press, I have also become aware of a part of the public who has been spoon fed lies by the press and has now gone on to regurgitate the most vile and insensitive opinions about a man that they never knew and never met. The rigidity with which these people hold onto their idea of who Michael was is appallingly disturbing, and I cannot fathom how Michael was able to exist while being the recipient of such hate. Just being a witness to it affects me terribly and puts me in a state of mind that is not conducive to writing this story. Though I hate to quote him, Rabbi Schmuley mentioned in a program last week that Michael, in the end, felt so reviled by the public, and all I can say is of course he did.
Once again, I am going to make what might not a very popular statement, but this is my opinion:
The fans who view Michael primarily as a sex symbol and miss the depth of the man behind the pretty face act very similarly to the people who hate Michael and view him primarily as a weird freak. The similarity is that both groups have assigned labels and attributes to Michael that have nothing to do with who he really was, though they borrow little snippets from his personality to give their idea of him validity. Michael was sexy, and he was physically beautiful, but he was so much more than that, too. Michael was weird, and may have done some things that most people might find strange, but that's not who he was in totality either. Making Michael into an object of consumption, whether it was in a "good" way or in a "bad" way is still objectification.
It makes me very sad that I've attracted a good many people who insist on seeing Michael in a rigid, single minded way; who are not open to viewing him from a different angle. While the amount of hate directed towards Michael is reprehensible; the amount of obsessive love that left no room for a person to be a real, flawed human being is equally as reprehensible. To my eyes, it is two sides of the same coin; a mirror reflection of one thing: Dehumanization.
For this reason, I hope the people who can appreciate my stories will find them fun, sexy, but most of all realistic, and I hope more than anything, that the true meaning and message of the stories will someone how shine through as well. ~ Sabine
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88 Responses to “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall”
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(Spike to Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)
"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
"----->His intelligence is instinctual and emotional, like a child’s. If any artist loses that childlikeness, you lose a lot of creative juice. So Michael creates around himself a world that protects his creativity”. ~ Jane Fonda
i totally understand your point, i find myself coming across the good, the bad and ugly when it comes to the MJ fan community. I am glad to put you and your efforts in the "good" part of it all. You have done a wonderful job of writing and look forward to purchasing your book. You have put Michael in a place that makes me laugh and cry at the same time. What i like most about your stories is that they were not about Michael's sexuality but Michael the person whether they were good or bad. I wish all the luck in your future endeavors. God bless
Hey Sonya,
Well for now this is my future endeavor -- or I guess I should say my present endeavor! I still have every intention of finishing the stories.
Thanks for understanding my point of view. I knew I couldn't be the only one who wasn't feeling all lovey dovey about the MJ "fam".
I don't want this to take away from the beautiful people I've met, because I've met some kindred souls, for sure
Sabine I just want to let you know that I understand exactly how you feel and I really hope that you dont let the bad or ugly get to you for me sabine your storys have been so real fun and beautiful to me your stories really make me feel better when im having a terrbile day just know that like I there are many good souls that appreciate your creativity imaginatio
Sabine I just want to let you know that I understand exactly how you feel and I really hope that you dont let the bad or ugly get to you for me
sabine your storys have been so real fun and beautiful to me your stories really make me feel better when im having a terrbile day
just know that like I there are many good souls that appreciate your creativity imagination and your honesty and you wanting to keep the stories as real as mikes life was
I understand and agree with everything you said but to let you know I been a fan of yours since day one and always will be and ill be here when your ready to start sharing again and I will be buying a copy of cbm next week
I will always love and treasure that story and will share with whom ever wants to read it god bless and as always peace and love
Sabine girl! I'm so glad you took the time to write this, THIS right here is one of the many reasons why I respect you. I know this is a difficult and very sensitive time for all of the MJ fans I just want to put that out there. The media is at it again! Oh it makes me furious. Right now I'm thinking in death Micahel STILL cant be left the eff alone! I personally think Michael was the greatest entertainer of all time, BUT I've made it very plain over ther past 2 years that this man was also a HUMAN BEING. He was private, but he wasn't god. I truly think his heart was genuine, that he used his many talents to help other's .
Of course Micahel was VERY attractive and yes there are fans that only see him as a sex sympbol...but I've said over and over asking other's : What if you knew Michael the human being NOT Micahel the mega superstar?
It takes a lot of time and energy to run this website and you've poured your heart and soul and maybe tears into this You've done a wonderful , this is about Michael who had his flaws and was imperfect. You are celebrating him and the everything he did on this earth spreading love all over the world. You don't have to write a single word about his sex adventures with Sabah or Sania, you could write about just the relationships the ups and downs and everything else in between and I'd still enjoy reading every sentence! You've been extremely fair, kind, and respectful, and generous! I remember 2 years ago reading your posts from another blog and saying hey! this chick is speaking the truth! lol because of your wonderful site I've grown to appreciate Michael the man NOT the entertainer/sex symbol.
Thanks Honey! :D
Sabine,
You truly hit the nail on the head!I I know exactly how you feel! Michael was a truly special human being! He was an Angel sent from up above that the media broke and dehumanized until the Lord felt it was time to take him home! What keeps me going are the wonderful stories that I read about him as a sexy but "human" man with faults. But to love Michael is to accept that no one is perfect! I know in my heart that Michael is now truly at peace in a wonderful place....We on earth know how many lives he has touched.
I know I have only been a member on your site since this summer,( I was on before and my technologically challenged brain lost access when I originally found your site) I was exhilarated to have discovered it again! I enjoy reading every word that you have written in all of the stories here, and always look forward to each and every update ( I purchased your book for my friend who does not do the internet thing and she is loving it too!)! I even go back an re-read to brighten my days...especially with all the things going on with the trial!
I appreciate all the hard work that you put into your stories to make them be "true to life!"(I know it is hard work and time consuming I am a closet writer and have been writing an MJ fiction for a few years...and it takes time to research to make it believable. I know I will never post it anywhere ! This was just a way for me to cope with the loss!) I am not as gifted with words as you are and truly enjoy reading your work! For me it is an outlet! Just know that I love your stories and your attention to detail (your pictures are awesome too!) I appreciate that you have made Michael a man not the superstar! Thanks so much SABINE for your dedication to Michael and us readers who truly appreciate your work!
Hi Everyone!
OMG,
Two years! Has it been that long!
Charmaine you always show up and say the right thing! Thank you for that, truly. I respect your opinion and you always have wise words to share. I know in my heart that you see pass the hooplah and see Michael as a person, no more no less.
Truthfully the people who I'm talking about will probably not comment on this peice. I'm not saying that everyone who doesn't comment fits into this profile, but I have a pretty good idea who I'm talking about.
Michelle, Nancy, I so appreciate every comment and feedback, and you guys have given me plenty. Like I said to Charmaine, it's clear to see who is getting my intention of this story. Thank you for sharing that with me! It gives me the JUICE to keep on writing, and I do very much want to complete the story because truthfully, even I don't know how it ends!!!!
:thank you:
All of your heartfelt words mean more to me than a thousand "great chapter" comments
believe me sabine you are not the only one who feels that way about some of the..mjfam? all i can say is i have been truly blessed with a beautiful group of women who share the same love for michael the man not just michael the entertainer that i do......also sabine i also love how you look deeper into michael the man...not just michael we all want him to be ...don't know if i said that right lol ....
There's no wrong way to say it
"The more perfect a thing is, the more susceptible to good and bad treatment it is" - Dante Alighieri
It's something that may never end, Sabine and I'm so glad that you continue to see hope that more people would be enlightened. You could easily just stop, end it all right here, but obviously that wouldn't solve anything with those certain people. You've obviously put so much dedication and care into this entire website which is clear in your posts and how you make sure to respond to as many comments, if not all, and offer some note of influence. I'm ashamed that I only recently managed to find your archive and some the backlog posts you've done. I'd actually thought that this site was just for your stories and the occasional side topic post, but now I've managed to find tons more which makes me so happy. I love to hear little anecdotes and rare pieces about Michael.
I just hope that more people would see Michael for the man he was. A certain thread on a certain forum I use to visit I haven't been to probably over a year now, simply because while all the women in the thread loved Michael equally, the "tea" could get a bit outlandish at times and obsessive. I don't doubt Michael was sexual and I also don't doubt the possibility that certain people aware of certain events may "spill" forth from their mug, but at the same time I think it's plain naive to believe all stories 100%. Maybe fun to entertain the thought, but always keep in mind that no matter how likely it may be that there should be room for reasonable doubt.
Anywho, again thanks, Sabine!
L.O.V.E.
heyy sabine! I HAVENT FORGOT ABOUT YOU!! ever since school started i've been sooooo busy ( i have got no life right now). but since its the weekend i decided why not take a bit of a break and see how Sabines doing. I have not forgotten you, I will try and visit as often as I can. its just SCHOOL :( i hope you are fine, and i terrible MISS reading these stories :( <3
What a beautiful post, Jasmine! Thank you!
Well, the good thing about you discovering the archives, is that by the time you found it, there was so much good stuff!!!
Are you taking about LipStick Alley
That place is a gossipfest!!!!
Of course nothing is all good or all bad, so probably there's some good information amongst all the "tea" -- I've found great pics from there, but I don't like gossip much, and things can get nasty over there, which gives me the heeby jeebies!!!!
That quote, isn't is just perfect!!!
I love quotes, so much wisdom in just a few words
hey Afro chick, how are you?
I hope school isn't kicking your butt! My daughter is about to start college soon, so my heart goes out to all the college, grad, medical school students (she says she wants to be a doctor)
It's going to a long haul for her, but well worth it!
Hi Sabine,
I cannot tell you how much this statement of you touched me because I feel exactly the same way. I haven't mingled in a lot of discussions with other fans, exactly because some of them were too stubborn to see the complete Michael. He was after all just a man. I understand what you are trying to do with your story as I do exactly the same in mine. I do not want to compare my writing to yours of course. LOL That would be insane but Michael brought out the best in us. He gives us the ability to study him and right what was done wrong to him. We will maybe never change all of the people's opinion but if we all reach a few of them, then at least we have done some good.
When you write that you have given so much and received so little, I understand that up to a certain level. Writing is a process, you give yourself completely, you pour in your emotions, until you reach the point of exhaustion. It's like acting, you go deep into yourself, pulling out what's been sitting there and hiding. I see it also as a way of healing, not only to give Michael what he should've had but maybe also what I didn't see in myself before and for that missed a whole lot in life. And I think that maybe every one of us does that a little. Because Michael touched our heart and we trust him with it. Is it safe ? I don't know. Some people will see through it and read between the lines, but others will only see the Michael they want to see. So what is best ? I never judge because we all have different reasons why we love Michael so much.
Exactly that combined love will now maybe finally make the world see the man he truly was. I am watching the trial almost every day. I admit that some days I can't emotionally and these past days have been hard because some of the defense witnesses were hostile and were as we call it 'haters' but in a way it only strengthened me more. But what strucks me every time is the hate some of the fans carry within them too. I may be naive but isn't just that what Michael would not have wanted ? Don't get me wrong, I understand them and I get angry too when he's bullied but sometimes the pure hate is too much to comprehend. Just as you say, they seemed to be blind for the human part of Michael's complexe personality. Michael wanted rather to give love than to dwell in hate. Only a true humanitarian can do something like that, like the Dalai Lama f.i. I don't want to compare him with people like that but Michael believed that love could heal almost anything. Naive too ? Maybe but love never causes wars, hate does.
Michael had problems, just like the rest of us. Only his were smeared out for all the world to see. He was never given the chance to work with them and control them because there was no one he could trust. A simple example : we can go to a therapist and know that what we say won't leave that room. Could Michael do that ? I seriously doubt it. Too many around him were there only for the money and it made him suspicious about the human kind. Unfortunately for him, apart from his children and maybe a few others (??) no one could give him any reason to believe otherwise. His fame made him a victim of his own insecurity. What you are trying to do is give him a solid base to start with to go through his life again, struggle with the same issues but with a different background and give him justice. I recently got a private comment on my story of which I am very proud. I didn't share it with the other readers but it made me realize that even without bashing Michael haters on the head, some of us can make a difference.
And believe me, Sabine, you do ! I may not be around all that much but I deeply appreciate what you are trying to do. For Michael always.
Love
Ingrid
I tried to leave this comment on the note about the access but it wouldn't let me. Sorry for messing up this page so feel free to delete it. LOL I just wanted to re-read some of BBM but my access is denied. Although I previously was able to comment here, so I don't know what could be wrong.
Wow, Ingrid, I'm so touch, what you've written really shows me that you get my intention!
That means more than words can say. You know, often I get depressed at the content of the comments or the lack of the comments -- I feel people are not getting me, but I shouldn't lose sight of the people who do get it, and that's what you've helped me remember.
I, too, have wondered if the fans who act so belligerently are able to stop and reflect on their behavior. There was footage of a fan arguing with a Murray supporter who turned her back on her, she kept purusing her and looked so angry and hostile -- come on, Michael would never approve of that behavior. We can support and love him and also stand against those who have hurt him without being abusive ourselves!
I so agree with what you've pointed out, which is that Michael had a problem trusting and wasn't able to establish enough relationships that would help him begin to make better choices. That's what therapy is all about, establishing a relationship of trust.
I was just watching a Harry Belafonte documentary, and he disclosed that the therapist he was going to actually was in cahoots with the FBI, informing on him!!!!!!
I mean once you have money, and a voice that other people will listen to, you become a big threat to people who want to manipulate the masses.
It's very true that Michael's problems are highlighted and in front of the world for all to see. We don't have to deal with that. No one could stand up to that kind of scrutiny. It is another reason that I understand why Michae l was sooooooo very private.
Thank you for saying that! It means a lot!
Wow, Ingrid, I'm so touch, what you've written really shows me that you get my intention!
That means more than words can say. You know, often I get depressed at the content of the comments or the lack of the comments -- I feel people are not getting me, but I shouldn't lose sight of the people who do get it, and that's what you've helped me remember.
I, too, have wondered if the fans who act so belligerently are able to stop and reflect on their behavior. There was footage of a fan arguing with a Murray supporter who turned her back on her, she kept purusing her and looked so angry and hostile -- come on, Michael would never approve of that behavior. We can support and love him and also stand against those who have hurt him without being abusive ourselves!
I so agree with what you've pointed out, which is that Michael had a problem trusting and wasn't able to establish enough relationships that would help him begin to make better choices. That's what therapy is all about, establishing a relationship of trust.
I was just watching a Harry Belafonte documentary, and he disclosed that the therapist he was going to actually was in cahoots with the FBI, informing on him!!!!!!
I mean once you have money, and a voice that other people will listen to, you become a big threat to people who want to manipulate the masses.
It's very true that Michael's problems are highlighted and in front of the world for all to see. We don't have to deal with that. No one could stand up to that kind of scrutiny. It is another reason that I understand why Michael was sooooooo very private.
Thank you for saying that! It means a lot!
By the way, the system was probably reconciling itself and that's why you couldn't log on. Try again
You are so very welcome,Sabine. Sometimes I wonder too why I don't get more comments on my story but the ones I get mean the world to me. Sometimes people only react when there is sex involved. I admit that I love writing love scenes but I am always hesitant to post them because every time again, I feel like I'm disrespecting Michael. On the other hand, he was a very passionate man and I think he would've loved it too. And actually, I don't write for other people. I write for Michael, and for me. That is what keeps me going and I know you'll pull your strength from the same source and that you will go on writing as you were. I admit that I prefer CM and BBM above the other stories because they are so real to me. The real Michael is your passion and it shows so keep up the good work !
Haha, yes, I was talking about LSA (They've definitely got some great pics, for sure). And things do get nasty over there, I don't mean to back burn all the members, but obviously I'm going to have my disagreements with a few members which I see no point whatsoever in voicing, especially when an innocent comment can get you attacked.
And the quote I actually found in an English class and I immediately thought of Michael, it was just like it was for him. I love quotes too and more than that one I feel the Mockingbird quote suits him:
"Mockingbird's don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy...they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird" (90).
Hey sabine are you still not giving access to read the storys I was always able to but its not letting me everytime I try to reread bbm it says were sorry we dont know what you are looking for I would just like to know whats goin on much love
Thanks Ingrid.
You know I only write really for me, I because it gives me pleasure, and the sex scenes don't bother me at all, they are lots of fun.
I just wish people wouldn't fixate on them so much and forget about the rest of the story, but I guess sex will always be the ultimate attraction when it is involved in anything. I guess we were made that way, so we'd procreate!
Sharing the stories is what I do for other people, and I've said it over and over again, I believe if someone is sharing something, then of course, there should be acknowledgment if you're enjoying it
My favorite story actually is TTWC, only because I get to be so creative!
Michelle! Girl, I love you for loving the stories -- I'm really still on my break away from CCC
Actually I'm really sick this weekend.
I've been in bed all day , and to top it off, we have a snow storm, so I still had to go out and shovel the snow!!!!
Jasmine, OMG, that Mockingbird quote is just perfect!!!
Dear Sabine,
Like many others, I've been watching the trial on a daily basis. I know I'm not alone in stating that I will be so relieved when it's over. Though I'm certainly not prepared for a "not guilty" verdict, I have to be realistic. No one knows at this point what verdict the jury will hand down.
I discovered your website by accident late last year. I love how you've chosen to portray Michael as a real-life flesh and blood man with normal physical desires, needs and flaws. You've "humanized" him. For that I am very grateful.
I've always admired Michael--from that cherub-faced little dynamo with the J-Five to the extraordinarily creative and caring man who was embarking on a new effort to unite, and bring joy and renewed consciousness to the world. But after spending more than two years researching his life, I'm more than just a fan or an admirer. I have a deep respect and genuine love for him. I miss him terribly and I've never met him nor been to his concerts. I have come to know him through his music, his writing, and his transparent and beautiful soul. Actually, Michael Jackson is like all of us--we don't "have" souls, we ARE souls having a human experience here on earth. I believe that in Michael's heart, he knew the path that God had charted for him. No human being would have deliberately "chosen" his life's path, knowing in advance that he would be so objectified, misunderstood and mischaracterized. Yes, the stage was the place where he literaly transformed into the most exciting, dynamic, talented entertainer the world has ever seen, but it was in the ordinary moments of life that he wished he could simply meld into, seemlessly and be normal....and he couldn't. Sadly, the world would not allow it to happen.
I often think about what his life must have been like-- especially as a child, not being able to actually ENJOY the carefree, joyous fun of just being a young boy. I have a keen understanding now of why he loved being with children so much, why he created Neverland, and why "chose" to be childlike. Children are pure, honest, and non-judgmental. They are uncorrupted by all the things that maturity brings. Because he looked at life through a child's eyes and accepted people with a child's heart, it swung the doors of misunderstanding wide open and he was cruelly taken advantage of. But it didn't stop there. Not only was he robbed of a childhood, the detractors and those who seem more comfortable judging and finding fault with the eccentric and creative, weren't satisfied to simply allow him to be him. No matter what he did, no matter how sensitive and empathetic his heart, it was much more fun to portray him as weird, strange, and childish. He was anything but.
Some nights I lie awake and think about him not being able to experience one of the most basic and necessary human needs--rest and sleep. I think sometimes that he wasn't really aware of just how much he was loved beyond his stratospheric star image; how much people really did love him because he was worthy to be loved. What helps me keep my sanity and not cry every day is knowing his children adored him. He was the absolute light of his childrens' lives. They were his whole world and even though his time with them was cruelly cut short, being with his children was his greatest joy. Michael Jackson is not a god but he certainly did have angelic qualities, especially as they pertained to children. In spite of that belief, he was still a flawed human being. It kills me that he may have abused his power by eliminating from his life the very people who cared most about him and confronted him with the serious issues that he had little patience for. I know that Lisa Marie was not necessarily the most patient, understanding woman. She was spoiled and stubborn and wanted things her way, too. But they shared a unique bond--both famous and wealthy and in the harsh light of fame at an early age. I only wish she would have insisted that they get counseling together, and she would have honored her promise of having his children. I believe if they could have stayed together, he'd still be here. It's too bad they didn't reconcile later because they started as friends and that's so important in a loving relationship. Perhaps he did meet someone later but if she did exist she was as unsuccessful as his family in getting him to address issues regarding pain meds and his psychological issues (think '93 and '03 vicious and damaging accusations). While I have tremendous sympathy for the torment he endured during his life, I wish with all my heart that he could have just stepped away from the limelight long enough to "heal" himself. I guess if you are a person gifted with so much talent and vision and and crave the feeling of adoration of the masses, it would be nearly impossible to leave it.
Wherever he is now I hope this "spiritural force of nature" continues to experience all that the Creator has planned for him. I do pray that he is received and treated with nothing but love and joy for eternity. That's all he really wanted here.
Please continue to write! I love your style. I love every aspect you touch on. Your writing helps to keep his wonderful spirit alive and we somehow can keep him close. Of course I love all the fabulous photos and his music. Your site is one of my favorites!
Thank you so very much, Sabine! I can't speak for everyone, but I really look forward to your continued adventures with MJ!
Hi Susan
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about Michaeland how he's affected your life. It's always amazing how closely related the stories are of those who love and admire him .
One thing you said that I most emphatically agree with is this:
Everything you've touched on are issues that I've tried to address in my story, from a POV of how Michael might have viewed his life and his choices. I just hope those ideas can be heard amidst all the fun, love and sexiness.
I hope my muse will recharge her batteries soon and I'll get back into the mode of writing. the trial is affecting all of us who cared for Michael.
Personally, whether we get a guilty or not guilty verdict, I hope that the human race will learn the lessons from Micheal's life and death that we need to learn.
I personally don't believe that a jail sentence is the ultimate retribution for the mistakes Murray made. A jail sentence just gives a person time to reflect and think it is no guarantee of remorse or admission of guilt. No one is in that man's heart or knows how much he is suffering. Right now he is like a child, not wnating to accept the punishments for his crimes but I believe in Karma. He will have to face the consequences of his actions at this trial, or if not, then in the future, where it will be much worst. You just can't run away from karmic depths.
One things for sure, going through a public trial, and being judged by the court of public opinion is the worst experience that anyone can go through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Michael experienced that first hand. There's some irony there that I just can't articulate at the moment.
Conrad Murray must live with his choices, and sometimes that is hell on Earth.
Anyway, I do believe that Michael has moved on in his spiritual journey and is experiencing whatever his soul needs to develop and grown, and for that I am happy for him. Life on Earth for Micheal's soul was something that encompassed a lot of blessings and gifts but also, painful, painful lessons. I'm glad that part is over for him.
I'm really sure that I will end this story -- I know I'll always write, but right now I do want to finish this story, so they'll be more to come after I've rested my mind a bit.
For sharing you thoughts, for getting my vision and for understanding.
You're very welcome! And yes, this trial is incredibly ironic. What struck me so profoundly was hearing him pour out his heart about loving children so much and feeling their pain, even in such a compromised state. I was dumbfounded that the media didn't acknowledge his message at first but rather focused only on his slurred words. Tom Mesereau (God bless his beautiful heart!) immediately focusd on his message, again emphasizing that Michael loved children and was completely innocent of any false charges or accusations of harming children.
it is my heartfelt prayer that his vision for a kinder, more loving human race becomes a reality one day. We will not long survive if we don't let go of our destructive urges.
Take care, Sweet Lady!
I can't believe I absolutely called you Sabah - please excuse me Sabine for I have been away for a little while. After reading your comment I can understand what you may be going through with all the negative perception of him still out there but please try to understand that some people are going to say whatever mainly because of jealousy. Some people will continue to spread the lies about him just because they can get away with it. But those same people are realizing they will not win that battle.
I am so glad you have portrayed Michael in the most positive ways as a man - a human being with emotional feelings, physical needs, physical pain dreams, etc that he shared with someone he fell in love with. He deserves to be loved just as hard as he loved even if it is in a story. His love goes beyond the obvious. He loved all - the children, the earth, people, everything in the planet - he loved life. That is what makes the stories so great. You have touched every fundamental part of writing this brilliant piece to describe his loves and with the most beautiful relationship I have ever read in my entire life. This story is even better than the greatest classics so forget about it being labeled a fan fict.. I am not saying this because of the extremely passionate and steamy physical relationship that is so well described in each chapter eventhough it really does add flavor to the pages (please don't take too much of that out - smile), but I personally love the conversations they exhange between themselves. I don't know how you write his words to seemingly sound like his voice or like what he would say. That is absolutely genuine. That is why I asked a long time ago could this story be published so I can own my very own copy to highlight and takes notes of my favorite parts - the book would probably be a mess after I'm done.
Regardless of what anyone says, it is so important that you are comfortable and pleased with any decision you have to make concerning this subject. In the meantime, I have throughly enjoyed reading my favorite - CBM and BBM - just browsing this website with the beaufiful music playing contnuosly. Thank you so much for sharing your talent Sabine.
I must have been gone longer than I thought just noticed your books can be ordered? Are you serious? I am happy again.
Oh, yeah, but I would give it a few days! I'm editing both of them, so that they are ppppppeeeeeeerfect!!!!!
BUt yep, you sure can order it. No pics though!
wow this was the first thing i read because i know you was gonna write some true words... well it looks like the other comments basically was what i wanted to say also. (besides the fact that im socially awkward [even on the internet] that i have a horrible time wording my paragraphs and what i wanna say) i actullay look forward to these side notes just as much as reading your stories..& i know how upsetting it is to be sexually objectified (trust me, i go through this every single day of my life) it make me wish i was ugly sometimes...i mean i cant even walk outside sometimes without people (men and women) constantly hollering at me ( i know right smh) its where i live at, i feel so violated and so invalidated. wow i wanted to say something else but im having chronic memory loss due to my anemia lol! wtf?and it kills me because when these people look at me they always think of sex or what i can do for them, never my deep personality and how i see things differently than other people and how i am a true friend who will give my last or bend backwords to do something extremly nice & thoughtful. i always feel ignored.. so i have to resort to being slightly rude to get my point across, trust me i hate to be like that...so i can feel what you are going through and what michael waas going through, & like i said this website helps me with my life for some reason, its like a guidiance or a guardian angel to me and i havent been having it, i can kinda feel my quality of life getting better the more im on here. (weird right?) but im for real though..
Aww Sabine!!!!
I want to give you a big, big hug! What you need is peace, sweetie.
I can't even begin to imagine what negativity you're encountering through the research that you're doing in trying to make us spiritually feel Mike through your words.
I never really thought about all the things you probably come across and couldn't avoid for the sake of the story. I know the negativity and hatred is out there, but I've always been extremely talented in being able to IGNORE. And you can't even do that, can you?
I would have hoped some of the things you used to experience with posters has lessened since you've become so selective, and rightfully so. But you're right, someone sending you positive words through a text box from all around the world does not equate to sincerity or love. But you can't control that. Though you do have control in who you let view your works which is still a very good thing. I pray you have found solace in that at least.
I DO believe the majority of us know and appreciate the fact that you're sharing with us a very precious gift. And it takes so, sooooo, soooooo much energy, mental and physical to be able to write with the intensity that you have been. So we... or I .. know that it's got to be draining. (which is one of the reasons I find it so hard to start writing)
And you're on a break? That's good. And it looks like you also decided to continue. I'm sure that will make people happy, but it should also make YOU happy without bringing down your spirit.
Hi Ladake, MjQuan
Ladake, from your mouth to God's ears!
I'm not so good as ignoring as you! I always worry that it might be apathy or disinterest, plus some things you don't know you need to ignore until you've stepped right into it!!! Then it sorts of feels like, at least to me, that it's too late because I feel like it's already on me.
I have made this place much more peaceful since I've been selective, but girl, can I be honest and tell you that some of these folks have had the nerve to pursue me!!!!
I shouldn't be surprised but I am always surprised by dysfunctional behavior! Telling them to get lost was not as unpleasant as having them respond that I should leave them alone, when they were the one who googled me, and showed up under an "anonymous" name, and left a comment designed to dress me down.
Okay, it was just one person
But it was still unpleasant. The thing that killed me is the person had the nerve to say that they were writing their own story now and they had lots of people who were willing to tell them what was going on at CCC if they care to ask.
I was like SOOOOOOOO!!!!! You searched me out to tell me that????
I think the real desire is for me to read the story and send them an email or leave a comment going IT WAS GREAT!!!!! I think that's the really desire, you know?
Sooooo, I'm trying to take a break, but truthfully I got sick over the weekend, and I never get sick!!!! It's a really bad cold and it's taking a long time for me to get over it. I usually will have a cold for a day or so, and just a dry cough. I think my mental state might be affecting me physically. You knowI believe in that mind/body connnection.
Hi Ladake, MjQuan
Ladake, from your mouth to God's ears!
I'm not so good as ignoring as you! I always worry that it might be apathy or disinterest, plus some things you don't know you need to ignore until you've stepped right into it!!! Then it sorts of feels like, at least to me, that it's too late because I feel like it's already on me.
I have made this place much more peaceful since I've been selective, but girl, can I be honest and tell you that some of these folks have had the nerve to pursue me!!!!
I shouldn't be surprised but I am always surprised by dysfunctional behavior! Telling them to get lost was not as unpleasant as having them respond that I should leave them alone, when they were the one who googled me, and showed up under an "anonymous" name, and left a comment designed to dress me down.
Okay, it was just one person
But it was still unpleasant. The thing that killed me is the person had the nerve to say that they were writing their own story now and they had lots of people who were willing to tell them what was going on at CCC if they care to ask.
I was like SOOOOOOOO!!!!! You searched me out to tell me that????
I think the real desire is for me to read the story and send them an email or leave a comment going IT WAS GREAT!!!!! I think that's the really desire, you know?
Sooooo, I'm trying to take a break, but truthfully I got sick over the weekend, and I never get sick!!!! It's a really bad cold and it's taking a long time for me to get over it. I usually will have a cold for a day or so, and just a dry cough. I think my mental state might be affecting me physically. You know I believe in that mind/body connnection.
_____________________________
MjQuan, I'm glad you get so much out of this place. I would have never guessed!!!!
You know in terms of guys cat calling you on the street, I don't know if its because I was born and raised in NY, but do you know it actually took someone TELLING me that was not normal for me to see it that way?
I was just so used to experiencing it and seeing it done around me, it never occurred to me that normal people don't do that!!!!!
At least guys with class don't!!!!
So now I tell my daughter, any guy who's calling at you on the street has done it to at least ten other girls before you; nothing to do with you and who you are or even what you look like. and yep, that's objectification in it's purest form.
Michael was objectified on a whole another level, and very insidiously too. But I try to talk about that in my writing.
Ladake, honey, you're so right, trying to convey what that feels like takes a toll on me.
I need an exasperated smilie
Great, I succeded in enter! I wonder what happened, probably a browser problem.
I just read your message here and I'm quite speachless. I'm always surprised about human stupidity but I'm afraid I have to accept it... I am sad that some negativity still persist towards you.
I was thinking about the things you write here because I sometime help translating the trial on streaming through a chat line set up by a dear friend for our group of Italian fans.
Every damn time I have to hold myself from screaming my outrage for all the 'hate' people pour out against Dr.Murray... It makes me feel like I'm part of a crazy crowd not civil, not empathic, and not respectful exactly as the crowd who mobbed Michael for 'love'. I don't know how to express this in this moment but since every human being needs respect and we are lucky to have the possibility of having a fair trial instead of being lynched, well, I don't like all this even if I can understand it as I didn't like to see people mobbing him and 'loving' him in such a possessive way.
Only one time I vented about it all and I was obviously sharp because everybody stopped but the next time it was the same.
I hope that Dr. Murray will be convicted BUT I still respect him as a human being. He did very wrong by crossing his ethic. The fact that he was a 'good' doctor, if it is true, is even more weighty because when you step on your principles is like stepping on your soul and you end up messing up and paying much more than people whose ethic is almost zero.
I just hope the jurors' minds will be enlighted enough to decide for the right thing.
If not... well... it means we lost every trace of common sense.
Here the press is mute about the trial except for the first day, the day of the recording (they aired it on radio and tv) and I bet the verdict. There are no specials and I only watch CNN HLD that is pretty fair.
I read some comments up here and one hit me. The person talks about the impossibility of confiding in a psycologist for Michael... I always thought he needed some support but actually, thinking about it was probably quite impossible for him trustinig anybody. When he did with a so called 'spiritual advisor' we all know what happened !! How sad...
I have no wards about the amount of hate and obsessed thinking I see fans express in regards to the Conrad Murray trial.
The refusal to acknowledge that Michael struggled with drug dependency, the hate towards anyone who says one word "against" Michael that they don't agree with -- I don't see it as any different than the haters MJ fans complain about.
yes, the media and the defense want to paint Michael as a worthless addict, but aren't we MJ fans supposed to be compassionate people who are above name calling and pointing fingers? Aren't we supposed to be like Michael?
I would expect MJ fans to express the idea that anyone who suffers from an problem with dependency on pain medication deserves the best care, not:
MICHAEL WAS NOT AN ADDICT, ANYONE WHO THINKS SO IS SO STUPID, I HATE SUCH AND SUCH ,ETC.
Shocking!
I agree with you that Dr. Murray, if he was a good doctor, it's even worst for him. I do think that the worst thing in the world is to make a mistake that ends up with disastrous consequences and have to live with that, especially if you are a responsible, good person -- you really don't need to be attacked, your guilt will kill you inside.
None of us are in Conrad's heart and having to go through a public trial is agonizing -- anyone who has gone through it will tell you how stressful it is.
yes, it's true, Michael spiritual advisor even betrayed him. I sometimes wonder if one of the lesson's Michael had to learn in this life time is how to forgive betrayal. He was betrayed so much.
Yes, Conrad is trying not to deal with the consequences of his action, but I believe in Karma. Remember I was talking to you about that, Isabella.
Yes... I remember Sabine and sometime I feel so greatful to find someone who share my way of seeing things mentally and spiritually. It makes me emotional because is SO rare...
Yes, we should to be compassionate like Michael and emulate him if we declare we like him so much for that... but people forget that so easly it really kills me because I know that cultivating hate in our heart is the root of all wars.
Most of people don't really feel hate or love but they just fulfill their ego desire for attention and speack superficially without thinking too much. Unfortunatly people is not used to connect their mouth-mind-heart-guts before talking and acting like Buddha suggested to do and not only him ;)
I have different reactions in those occasions depending on my mood, sometimes I feel mad, sometimes very sad, some times disappointed and disillusioned and some other... compassionate for these not compassionate people.
Lately I disconnected myself from some people not to get involved in polemics and useless kind of relations. I have to be careful myself not to get too intolerant and become unfriendly because sometimes I hardly control myself.
Yes, probably to forgive betrayal and may be to respect himself more. He stepped on his own needs to fulfill other and his own wishes. But only God knows... the only thing I know is that such an influential person and the life he lived must have a 'message' for everybody. For sure.
"God does not play dices with the Universe" Einstain said once, and I agree.
OHHH NOOOOO. I dont have access anymore :O thankssss alot school for taking up all my time :(
Hey sabine im so happy that I got access to the storys again im rereadin bbm does that mean that your almost back in action lol I hope so I try to get into the gift shop to buy a copy of cbm but im havin trouble gettin in I think I need to refresh my cookies or something anyway I hope your feeling better headcolds can be so annoying and im the sameway sabine I believe in the mind body connection but I hope you feel better really soon again thanks sabine and much love
“God does not play dices with the Universe” Einstain said once, and I agree.
I love that a man who is a genius was also so spiritual
Hi Sabine
I've been holding off coming here because I was waiting to give you my great news. So today, my wait is over and I came to tell you. However, I read this piece, and now I am worried for you. I feel that whenever you say things like this, that something terrible must have happened again. I just want you to remember that I love what you do, and I am thrilled that you choose to share your creativity and artistry with me. I appreciate all the work and research you do, to bring us your vision of this multifaceted man. He is such a complicated human being, and he does not deserve to be addressed as a wooden, 2-dimensional puppet. This is where you come in with your amazing insight and love, that you truly do great justice with your portrayal of him in your stories. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I hope I haven't messed up this thread by bringing my good news here. I just had to tell you. But if you think this is not the appropriate place to put it, please do whatever you wish with my comment.
Hugs
Awe shucks, why would I think this is not an appropriate comment!!!
I'm so glad the books have brought you so much pleasure. and you ordered for friends???
That is sooooooo swwwwwwettttt
I'm so sorry about the coupon code. Listen, I make loose change from the books, believe me! Most of the money goes to printing it!!!
I guess I would make money if 100,000 people ordered it
But seriously what a perfect ending to a great day for you.
I myself, I'm not happy because I think the whole story is tragic. But I am satisfied that Conrad Murray will be forced to deal with the consequences of his actions, and a message has been sent about doctors abusing their patients, so that's good. I want him to get a maximum sentence but we'll see.
Now as for you . . . Thank you soooo much for your kind words!
Nothing happened, but the truth is Micheal's life has always involved some very hateful people and negative energy, and so in writing about him, yes, I've encountered that.
I guess it comes with the territory. Now that the trial is over, I'm hoping to get back into
I was sick all week, so I didn't make as much headyway into editing TTWC -- I wanted to make it a PERECT book. It's the perfectionist in me. So I'm checking it for typos and then I will convert it into a hardcover.
And thennnnnnn, hopefully I'll be able to finsih them!!!!
Keep your fingers crossed on my behalf :kissing:
oh hai.... *hides in a corner* lol, I'm late, I know, don't judge me. It's hard out here for a college freshman.
Sabineeee! THANK YOU. I was just nodding in agreement while reading through this whole thing. You are speaking so much truth right now! I just wanna copy and paste this on every MJ forum I've ever been on. Michael was such a complex human being just like every other human being on the planet. I don't understand how the celebrity-media thing works, we put these people on pedestal and forget that they are just that. PEOPLE. flesh and blood, contradictory, moody, imperfect, fickle, PEOPLE. It just doesn't make sense to me that people who call themselves fans and know all this man's work and can probably quote pages Moonwalker, don't understand that.they are, in a way, doing the exact same thing the media that they claim is so evil does. I do feel like Michael was exploited and mistreated but I'm positive he's done his share of not-so-nice-edness (yes its a word.) and yes. the man is fine. we all know this.
... stop the madness.
But at some point its just like
Michael is normal red-blooded man, therefore he was sexual, therefore he had sex but to me its downright degrading to yourself to reduce a musical genius of his caliber to a mere sexual object, which I see all to often. (its sometimes disturbing to be honest, I've seen some WEIRD effing stories. really weird)
*sigh* I just want to rent out a stadium of some sort so they can all just have a collective seat.
Anyway, I tend to ramble so I'll stop here. Not sure if any of that made sense....
I cannot wait to see what you have in store for BBM and TTWC. I know that however you decide to write it from now on will be just as the journey you have taken us on so far has been an amazing one. thank you again for your time and all the EXTRA EXTRA effort you put into making them as realistic and enjoyable as possible. I truly appreciate you.
Not make sense?
Girl that is the best thing I've read all day.
I swear, some MJ fans make me wanna scream
Alisha, it's just refreshing to read a person just saying what they feel, without any b.s. attached to it!!!!!
I truly appreciate you too!!!!
Why thank you. lol
it just that sometimes when I start talking I get on this track... that usually derails into madness.
you just struck a chord so I was like "I must day something!!!"
But I've given up on them in all honestly. I just stay to myself and spectate from inside of my bubble at this point. It keeps my blood pressure at stable levels.
Well move on over in that bubble and make room for me!!!
you are welcome to my bubble whenever.
Hey Sabine!!! Long time, no hear from lol! I know I'm late but between the trial, overtime & the "squatters" who finally moved out this past Monday, I've been drained.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and CM//BBM/TTWC outlook. Like MJQuan, I'm not the best at verbal expression, but I will say that if you choose to not type another letter, you've really touched my spirit. I believe that these stories will always be with-that's just how much they touched me.
CM/BBM & TTWC really helped me during my "mourning" period. I didn't read your stories for the sex although those scenes were great, I read them because they somehow became a vehicle that I could use to take my mind to a happy & peaceful place where I felt closer to Michael. The media & haters were all around making him out to be something my soul knew he wasn't and here was like an oasis.
Yes I know, that this is fiction, but so much of the real man jumped out to me in these stories. I think you had the perfect balance of sensitivity and masculinity without making him seem "childlike" , "asexual" or "whorelike".
It's funny but I skimmed over the last few sex scenes you wrote because I didn't consider that to be "the good part". It's like in a real relationship where at first the sex is new & exciting and after a time it's just "fine".
Thank you for every thing you've done & whatever direction you decide to go in, I'm sure will be fabulous. You have a very caring & loving spirit that is felt in the stories you write and the interaction you have with your readers.
Blessings,
MJ4Life
No, really you are!!!!
What you've written really means a lot to me. I needed to read that.
Hello Sabine
I didn't realize how much I've missed this place, it feels like I'm home again.
How have you been? Hope all is well with you.
Girl, I made a mistake and deleted your profile!
Ufortunately you won't know until you come back here. I'ma try and send you an email.
I could be better! I think you can read that from this post
I starting to miss those relaxing nights reading CBM and all the others...
I will order yourpaper books soon. You think is better before or after Christmas?
You know what? I'm making space for new books in my book shelves... I'm reading so much this last year... I just finished a book by an Italian very smart metheorologist, the title is "Let's get ready". It is not catastrophic but warn us that the time is running and we must change our habits and start to save energy and waste much less. Very well written. Now I'm reading "Strenth to love" that I found out about in one of your comments on FB. And I have a whole shelf for Michael's book...
I manage to read more because I watch much less tv and on Sunday morning I wake up normally one hour before Gianni and I read while waiting for him to open his eyes...
That sounds so beautiful. Less t.v. and more reading!!!! I think everyone should do that, though I really love movies
If you order now, you can get 25% off, you have to put in the code: BUYMYBOOK305 or buy one book and get the second 50% off with this code: SECRET305
I don't know if they will have those types of deals after Christmas.
We are going into the year of Aquarius, astrology tells me big changes to come. Plus I've read some lovely things about a collective change in consciousness, isn't that exciting!!! For the better, not the worst.
I mean how much worst can human beings get at this point?