Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room

Step Right up and Grab a Drink Before You Get Your Hit. Don’t see what you want? You can look at all the drinks on the menu individually — just click on the picture!
[itk-eticker]INTRODUCING THE dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA![/itk-eticker]
Have an Idea for a new drink? Please leave a comment and we’ll see about putting it on the menu!!!!
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A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
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MJ
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Bad Boy Shot
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Ms. Chastity
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Chocolate Mike
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Liquid CobraCrack™
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Creamy Mike
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Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
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Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
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Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
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Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
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DDD, also served by the bottle
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Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
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Holoma’s Soup
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Holoma’s Soup
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L.O.V.E. Shot
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Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
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Mikegasm
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Minty Mike
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Mr. M & Mrs. M
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Royale
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Prince Michael’s Pure
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Sangre
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The Force
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The Foreplay
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The Gentleman
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The Thriller
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Thug Passion
- A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
- MJ
- Bad Boy Shot
- Ms. Chastity
- Chocolate Mike
- Liquid CobraCrack™
- Creamy Mike
- Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
- Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
- Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
- Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
- DDD, also served by the bottle
- Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
- Holoma’s Soup
- Holoma’s Soup
- L.O.V.E. Shot
- Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
- Mikegasm
- Minty Mike
- Mr. M & Mrs. M
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
- Prince Royale
- Prince Michael’s Pure
- Sangre
- The Force
- The Foreplay
- The Gentleman
- The Thriller
- Thug Passion
Sorry about this, but please just give security your I.D. – we don’t want no trouble.

Okay now that you’re in, Look our Bar Room. :silly: :cheerful: Annie Decorated it and I think she’s done a FABULOUS job!!!!! Thanks Annie!!!!
After, if you are still walking, talking and coherent you might want to stop by our gift shop!!!!
N O W S E R V I N G :
Hey there handsome, excuse me for a minute I’ll be right with ya’ 
MENU LIST:
N E W ON THE M E N U!:

DDD, also served by the bottle

Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
INTRODUCING The dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA: Some of you addicts have been pretending. And it’s really not necessary. When you come into the bar, have a seat. Your drink has already been prepared. We’ll even serve you the bottle. After all, it’s got your name on it. :yes: :alien:
Warning: Do NOT Mix this drink with Bad Boy Shots. We’ve heard some stories, let me tell ya!

Bad Boy Shot
THE BAD BOY SHOT: Let’s face it, you’re not a good girl and you’ve never been one. You need something strong in ya and this big, black bottle IS IT. One shot is usually enough though we at CCC already know that’s not all you want. Pure Testosterone, raw masculinity infused with some BAD a$$ attitude – all you need to do is open up, throw this one back and wait for it.
:pouty: :sick: Warning (Drink Responsibly)

MJ

- MJ, Too
MJ: We’ve taken this infusion of all natural MJ bodily extracts and perfectly blended it into this refreshingly, naturally sweet and tangy citrus beverage we all ooooooof course, MJ. And we swear, it taste just like JUICE! We can’t really explain what it will do to you — experience it for yourself. You’ll understand after your very first swallow. :whistle:
A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
In honor of our favorite couple’s special night we at CCC have created two special drinks:
CHASTITY and UNLEASHED

Ms. CHASTITY
MS. CHASTITY: Coy and uninhibited, sweet and sincere. Remember when you were without fear, honest and whole — do you want to feel like that little girl again; do you want to experience, if only for a moment, the blissfulness of youth? Enjoy, Saniia’s Ms. CHASTITY. Experience the quality that captured Michael’s heart. INNOCENCE IS INTOXICATING.
UNLEASHED: Years of discipline, control and abstinence can only result in one thing: UNLEASHED. We were there. We captured it. We bottled it. Taste the flavor of unbridled passion.

Liquid CobraCrack ™
LIQUID COBRACRACK™ There hasn’t been a chapter uploaded for days! Your internet connection is on the blitz and you can’t find your IPod. Your family and friends have completely disassociated themselves from you because you’ve become a walking zombie. Not one of them understands why you’ve been staring at the blank screen of your computer for days now. But if you don’t get some Michael in you and in you quick, you will just explode!
Due to the number of addicts jonesing outside of CCC we rolled up our sleeves and created this TEMPORARY infusion of Michael in the form of Liquid CobraCrack ™. Stock up now while supplies last. Keep some in the back of your fridge, in the garage, under your desk at work and in your nightstand. Never be without Michael again!!! But Be Warned: Liquid CobraCrack ™ is equally as addictive as the real thing and there is a high likelihood of developing a tolerance very quickly. :sad: You really just can’t replace the real thing!!!!

The cool, refreshing boyish joy of Michael in your glass.
MINTY MIKE: Inspired by Sonia: We were just goofing off, experimenting when we took Michael’s cool smile, his refreshingly sincere good nature, his boyish charm and added just a dash of delight and to our surprise, POOF!!! A Minty Mike appeared! One sip and we couldn’t stop laughing!!! Almost scientifically identical to the chemical compound of JOY, this drink will chase away any and all of your blues and put a peppermint — permanent smile on your face. Enjoy!

Creamy Sabah
CREAMY SABAH: Creamy Chocolate Mike w/ just a hint of Sabah. We searched high and low for a non-x-rated picture that we could put up and this is what we came up with — WHEWWWW!!!!

Pure
Prince Michael’s PURE – Cool, Sweet and light as mist, this magical drink refreshingly satisfies your craving for Prince Michael without the calories or the alcohol. Passion distilled to its purest form, PURE WILL cure your thirst . . . but alas not your desire. Feel free to drink it all day and all night but be warned, Prince Michael always leaves you wanting more.

:wub: L.O.V.E.:When it comes to shots, we don’t offer anything that is more electrifying. We are serving the pure essence of Michael. It IS all that he had ever stood for and nothing more. People who met him basked in its warmth. It was in his words, his actions, his demeanor, his behavior and most of all, his smile. He simply exuded it from his pores. He gave and never asked for anything in return and now we offer the same to you.
If you’re feeling down and you need a pick me up; if you have been hit with a dose of negativity and need something to chase it away, we present to you something that will fill you with only the most natural of highs. It is ten times stronger than any of our other drinks and lasts twice as long: L.O.V.E. Have a shot today and experience the love of Michael Jackson. ***If you experience an immediate sense of peace, joy and contentment, don’t be alarmed that’s the magic of Michael in your system.

Chocolate Covered Mike
CHOCOLATE COVERED MIKE: For those of us with a sweet tooth introducing, Chocolate covered Mike. It’s decadently sweet, addictive, satisfying and unbelievably good for you. It’s just too perfect, OMG!!!!

SANGRE: Other establishments serve Sangria. We serve Sangre. Simply put, this sensually, seductive mixture of perfectly blended fruit, aged wine and just a tinsy weensy drop of Michael’s blood will invade your system and change your personality FOREVER. Undercover cameras captured the woman in the picture above seconds after she took one sip – we are not even sure she had a chance to swallow. Michael NEVER knew what hit him but I hear he was smiling for days afterward. Try it – if you’re woman enough. :devil:
THE FORCE: This drink is served with a resuscitation kit. I don’t’ think I need to say more!

The Prince Royale
THE PRINCE ROYALE: You’re a lady, and you know truthfully that is the only kind of woman who can capture Michael’s heart. You only drink to relax, not to get drunk like some of the lesser women who frequent Da Smooth Criminal. You’re not interested in cheap sex, you want a life time commitment from the object of your affection. Your drink will be served in our finest crystal, the ones etched in gold, on a silver platter in the VIP section of the bar. The smooth and fruity undertones of this vintage wine will peel away the layers of your resistance until you are as free from your inhibitions as any Creamy Mike lover. The only difference is you’ve done it with style. The price of this drink only reflects your superior self-worth. Go ahead splurge. You’re worth it! And Michael will definitely take notice. He enjoys the finer things in life and so do you.

Thug Passion
THUG PASSION: Okay it’s no Michael but you’re strapped for cash. The flavor doesn’t last as long but it’s just a ‘lil something to keep you going until you can get a REAL drink. A favorite of our financially challenged customers. What you see is what you get and damn, come on girls, you have to admit, it looks good as hell.
THE MABHA: A smooth and tangy combination of Sabah and Michael with a twist and zesty kick at the end. Don’t nurse it, ’cause it get’s flat. Drink it while it still has that sizzle!
THE GENTLEMAN WILL stay in you all night and will also be the first thing you feel when you wake up in the morning. Now let’s be clear: It’s not a hangover. It’s better than a hangover. It’s a HANG ON I’M CUMIN’.

Cool, milky, deceptively sweet.
THE MIKEGASM: Hands down, our most popular drink! Cool, Milky and deceptively sweet, you won’t see where the bang is coming from but IT WILL hit ya!!!!! What’s worst, you’ll keep ordering it anyway. We can’t explain why it explodes in your mouth, we just know we like it!!!! Make sure you have a designated driver if you start throwing back this one. We’re not going to take responsibility and you WON’T have just one.
MR. M: This is our signature beer. We brew it on the premises but if you’re watching yourself, you can get our light version instead.
MRS. M: The light version of our homemade brew, for our responsible drinkers who also want to make it home in one piece.

Holoma's Soup
HOLOMA’S SOUP: This deceptively potent drink has babies popping up all over the place and since Michael loves da kids, we just can’t take it off the menu. It’s spicy and fruity and served with a strangely cool mist circling up top. Don’t mind the woman in the back hovering over the cauldron. She mixes a big batch of it every morning and though we’ve never asked for a specific list of ingredients, she says that it’s all natural and we trust her!!!

Creamy Mike

Creamy Mike w/ Extra Creme
CREAMY MIKE: (Inspired by Annie) Pure milk chocolate, lightened to perfection with thick, heavy cream and a blend of exotic liqueurs, the taste of this drink will linger in your mouth for hours. You’ll find yourself constantly licking your lips and thinking about it even after you’ve cleaned the last drop out of the glass with your finger. So delicious we naturally prepare two when it’s ordered because everyone gulps them down so quickly. BE WARNED: This drink WILL give you a particularly wicked alcoholic sugar rush. A number of women find it very difficult to keep their legs closed even after one small sip.

The Foreplay
THE FOREPLAY: (Inspired by Martinigirl) Trust me. Looks CAN be deceiving. This seemingly happy go lucky drink will put you flat on your back and keep you there. No matter what you’ve heard YOU ARE NOT READY for this drink. The tangy taste of pineapples smothered in Amaretto and Southern Comfort will knock you right off your feet – literally. Once on your back, you WILL stay there for days . . . and nights. I took this off the menu because I lost a couplah return customers. It’s served with a life size cut out of the Michael pic above. A bunch of people ordered, left and were never seen again.

Golden Boy
THE GOLDEN BOY: (Inspired by Enola) From the moment this Martini came into existence we knew it was special. Inexplicably sliding down your throat like icy cold molten lava, we struggled to formulate an adequate description. Fearing, because the drink was so powerful, that we would face multiple law suits if we put this volatile concoction on our menu we decided in the end it would only be safe to offer ONE drink PER PERSON per LIFE TIME. Ladies, ladies, before you protest, please try and understand: The Martini . . . shakes/stirs itself! (Cue dramatic music) ( O-O )
THE THRILLER — (Inspired by MJQuan) It sizzles, it pops, it dances in your mouth and then it gets down in you and makes you wanna dance, too. One sip, and your hand is up in the air, you’re pursing your lips and saying, “Oooooo”!!! This is our most popular non-alcoholic drink. You can take it all day and never get tired. Enjoy!

5,390 Responses to “Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room”
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"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
I-can-moonwalk, dun ber ber ber lee woman! I’ll touch my nose for you when it stops moving around my face, I promise.
*whispering* You know where msjanice is right… tell me, tell me. I need to talk to her about… *cough* MY man *cough*
oh no..
what have you two been up to tonight?
Thank goodness I have the next three days off ot patrol the bar.
And get my blog drunk sign off your head!
I know I shouldn’t – but I am so tired.
so I leave you with a foreplay and a LOVE shot.
I am off to dreamland in whatever room I fall into first.
OMG Gracie that is HILARIOUS!!! Well, now it is. But I’m sure at the time it WASN’T!!! LOL!!!
That reminds me of my friend who’s son took his diaper off after pooping while he was in his crib and he stuffed it in his bottle and smeared it all over the walls and everywhere else he could. EW!!! I thought I was gonna puke!!! But it’s so funny now when I think about it. LOL!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol:
God bless all you girls with kids. :D
decisions… decisions???
Is there a ‘chain MJ to bed’ DIRTY DIANA cocktail???
oooh Vanessa… a dirty diana..
Now I wonder what would be in that?
Frodes – I saw your message in here from yesterday about your blog – but can’t find it through all the drunks passed out ont the floor… and I am trying to find Annie and msjanice – I think they had too much!
But yup I found it and I am loving it – amazing stort – I am gonna shoot you off an email / message – would love to hear the reasoning of why you decided to take off for a year..
Or pull up beside me here @ the bar and indulge us all will ya?
I gotta run off for an hour – but will be back to have a few bevvies!
I’m thinking a Dirty Diana, if we’re talking about the same Diana that Michael was talking about, you know the one Martinigirl, would be pretty bitter!
Hi VanessaMatthews, welcome to our home away home!
THAT is exactly what I was thinking Sabine…
it would be like a rusty nail or something… awful tasting – but knock you on your arse in one knock out punch
we could have a liberian girl… smooth silky sexy and sweet
It so funny when that song came out – I really wasn’t that into it… coz I hated the video (that is the problem being part of the MTV generation!) but now I listen to it almost everyday… I just love his voice on that song – just oozing with sex – that and LIML!
OYE – I better pace myself – geting all excited and it is only just past noon!
*Staggeríng in, gasping for air, hair a mess, blushing cheeks*
Oooouuuueeeee, quick, give me a gallon of The Force before he finishes the muffin I threw at him to get away…and get me a really soft pillow to sit on….
*Shaking head in disbelief*
He must think I’m slow. He wanted to show me three times what ‘ladies first’ meant.
Have mercy on me….
OMG!!!! Enola, you naughty girl. Did you not hear that I am shutting this place down!!!! You addicts have become far too comfortable! Everyone is being sent to CobraCrack Valley for the weekend!
Arrrr, come on, Sabine. PLEASE!
This is the first friday evening I’ve ever been here.
UH! That is so not true.. Wait a minute.
What is CC Valley – it sounds dirty!
First Friday Enola… let’s party!
♪♫ I just can’t stop loving you hmmmmm ♪♫ *singing to myself as I lock the bedrooms of the Recovery room :D
My job as a dealer is not to satisfy you guys!!!! It’s to keep you wanting more! MUHHHHAHAHAHAH!!!! :devil:
You know what?
I’ve just changed my mind.
I’m off to the valley of the gold pants.
See ya later.
;-)
:ninja: Mission accomplished *setting out glasses of Creamy Mikes for when Elona get’s back*
Hey MartiniGirl,
Can you believe Sabine just lured me away from my sweet gentleman Mike like that? With a pair of gold pants?
I bet Michael is sitting in the Golden Orb Room wondering what happended.
I need something strong or else I’ll just end up feeling really miserable that he’s in there all alone.
:devil: Don’t hate me too much, it’s my job! I can’t have all my addicts all cozied up in the Recovery Room, getting BETTER– who will drink Creamy Mikes with me?
Here *pouring a nice tall cold glass* I made it just for you :biggrin: :heart:
Okay thanks, Sabine. It looks just right for a friday night.
But you know, I might still sneak out of the bar and climb through the window to get back to Michael.
Hey girls I am at the hospital for an MRI- hit me with something yummie
Here’s something soothing, Holoma’s Soup, and ask them to give you a sonogram while you’re at it.
But seriously, are you okay?
Enola, of course you can go back to Mike anytime. If anyone is look for the Valley, please tell them I’ve put it in the CCC Portfolio – Gold Pants Mike is much too dangerous!
*rushing in from the Valley :blush: *
i’m a good girl, i’m a good girl, i’m a good girl, i’m a good girl……
someone get me something to calm me down, i can’t even think straight!!
NO Sabine!! not Holoma’s Soup!!!!! Do you have any idea how fertile I am?!?!?!?
maybe a Prince Royale will make me feel clean and classy again…. :unsure:
Hello All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m stopping by to order a Mikegasm, well 2 of them to go. Need to send one to Martinigirl to put it in her IV bag.
You know she’s a Mike-aholic for requesting a drink from the doctors office. :wink:
Make that 3 drinks. Gracie, you might need a Mikegasm as well. Cheers!!!!!!!
Okay Sabine
I’m waiting for you. Its Friday night, you thought all your ADDICTS! were too comfortable. So lets have a drink togetha!!!
:w00t: Give me a force!!
WAITING!!!!
whoop… what up gurls… msjanice – thanks for that little something something in the IV BAG.
Sabine.. nothing serious… these test have been schedule for months..
Too much drinking and dancing is catching up with me.
I came to get a LOVE shot and see if I can handle another stroll thru the CC Valley!
yoo-hoo! anyone here? I have 10 minutes to kill and i need something to distract me from the icky feeling of the hair color dripping down my scalp….I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to just reach up there but i mustn’t do it!…. :dizzy:
pouring myself my usual Creamy Mike…
seven minutes to go…
okay, obviously you girls all have better things to do on a friday night than color your hair :biggrin:
time to rinse at last but Sabine i just have to tell you I was in that room with the MJ Party pics and that little GIF with all the MJ’s partying just cracks me up every time :lol: they are just too funny!
:whistle: doing a little last minute packing…
*Grace shoving as many bottles as she can in her suitcase*
hmmmm…should i take a life-size cut-out? …better not, might cause some traffic problems on the interstate with HIM in the passenger seat of the family truckster…better yet, the luggage rack! :lol:
peace out girls!
Have a great trip Gracie! We’ll keep a Creamy Mike on ice for you *slipping a bottle of Golden Boy into Gracie’s suit case* Awwwe man, I missed Sonia! Damn it! I was out at the movies when I should have been here tending bar. Anyway, girls Hot Tub Time Machine was HILARIOUS :lol:
MsJanice, we are like two ships in the night! But there’s a package in the back for you – a case of Creamy Mikes or someting, I don’t know. why are you getting your mail sent here now? :D
Martinigirl, how’d your test go? Did the docs ask you why your I.V. was milky white? :lol:
Hey VanessaMatthews, if you read this, from what I see on my end you put in your Gmail account when you left this comment — and that’s how Gmail, which is google got your name since I’m using Googleconnect. Did you become a follower? If you become a follower, you can pick whatever name you want and upload a pic, too! So welcome and let me know who you are when you come back!
Sabine…
I told Vanessa about the site. And she thanked me so much for it. You’re good, babe!!! :wink:
Martinigirl…
I don’t mind posting about it here if no one else minds reading about it.
Hook it up with a Mrs. M!!! Watching my girlish figure. :biggrin:
The reason i decided to get up and go was because I was originally gonna go to New Zealand for film school. But since I’m not a citizen it was like three times as expensive and I don’t come from a rich family. So that fell through. And I wanted to go to NZ for film school because number one, I wanted to get as far away from the corruption of Hollywood that I could and number two, I’m a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan. And since it was so inspirational for me I wanted to surround myself with that inspiration while learning about something I’m really passionate about. But since it didn’t end up working out I decided that I could either sit at home and bitch about it or go and do something else. So I decided to just travel there anyway since I had been wanting to go for so long. And I’m so glad I did cause I learned SO much about myself and have met some amazing people!!!
Hope I didn’t bore anyone!!!
*Finishes beer and slips out of the bar*
Oh, wait. The Recovery Room is closed. DAMN.
Hi ladies,
Sorry for leaving last night without saying goodbye.
*whispering*
I got so inspired by the trip to the valley of the bulging gold pants that I had to go find my husband….
I never made it back to the bar again.
;-)
Oh, wait. The Recovery Room is closed. DAMN.
No it’s not Frodes — go on in, I was just messin’ with the addicts :lol:
I love hearing about your travels it’s so inspiring!!!!! YOu rock girl, like Michael!
Ok, so the Recovery room is locked, the new Valley seems closed too… why me? I even didn’t have a chance to enjoy them! I saw the Sexo… *cough* Recovery room and was still choosing what room I should start with.
:cwy:
Hi everybody…
Oh it’s not locked my sweet Annie, here, I even put up your GIF:
http://165.140.70.174/~cobracra/2010/03/26/valle/ – you can also get it from the menu bar, where I asked the question, or look to your left under new posts or search for it . . . . :lol:
Thank you, BEAUTY. That’s a shortcut! Now I must chose the bedroom for tonight… it’s already night here…
:angel:
When I have chosen, I’ll have to come here to get something I guess!
:whistle:
Take The Force, or The Gentleman, I hear lots of the girls talking about it.
Of course, I never indulge myself, since I am the supplier :angel:
Oh yeah… so you only heard about it…?
:silly:
Of course! You know that Michael is SABAH’s man in my mind! I would never be the “other” woman!!!! :whistle:
here you go honey… enjoy.
I am getting plastered tonight before my next session with Nurse Ratched – she is just not nice and ha no sense of humour..
DRINK UP!
Martinigirl, are you IN the hospital? Oh, no!!!! Please say it isn’t so. If you are, please let me know so I can deliver a case of Golden Boys!!!! I have to run girls just when it’s starting to jump in the Bar! Damn, I always miss the fun!
oh no… I am right here in da bar with you and in da sweet smile room.
I am an out patient… I like to be sporty – but I hurt myself a lot.. hehehe
Sabah-ine… can’t lie to me.
MartiniGirl, what do you want? Need help with the bar? Although it’s not a very good idea if you don’t want to see me moonwalking the walls.
I do honey pie… but you can just sit and relax and look pretty… easy peasy for you.
*stuffing a Foreplay in my pocket*
I am off for a couple hours… but I will be back – try to be good!
OMG, I just downloaded the Royal Brunei concert and it’s “perfect” quality!! I mean perfect considering that the Brunei one is so difficult to find it ok.
Here: http://goo.gl/odam (it’s a torrent -click where it says “download this torrent”-, so you’ll need a torrent program to download)
And a poor and homemade screencap by me:
God, I have a lot to do and now I can take my eyes off… him!
I didn’t know where to post it, so I hung a poster in “da Bar”, if it’s not ok, please edit Sabine.
OMG, more screencaps, I’m dying – whoever invented the slow-motion is God! I’m seriously thinking in watching the whole cuncert this way…

:shocked:
Nooooooooooooo, Sabine, come here and show them the screen caps! LOL -moderation-
*morning*
here to get some coffee for me and my sweet smile…
whoa… hmmmm Brunei… gold HQ
Annie – how do you make your URL’s short like that?
Morning, girl.
-> tinyurl.com, or something like that
Everybody must be in the Recovery room this morning…
:getlost:
I don’t believe I have ever had a Thriller… so I am gonna go with that!
What are you gonna watch Annie?
I think I am going with ITC or Shake Your Body from the Victory Tour… ohhh but if I watch any Victory Tour I will get nothing done!