Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room

Step Right up and Grab a Drink Before You Get Your Hit. Don’t see what you want? You can look at all the drinks on the menu individually — just click on the picture!
[itk-eticker]INTRODUCING THE dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA![/itk-eticker]
Have an Idea for a new drink? Please leave a comment and we’ll see about putting it on the menu!!!!
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A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
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MJ
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Bad Boy Shot
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Ms. Chastity
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Chocolate Mike
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Liquid CobraCrack™
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Creamy Mike
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Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
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Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
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Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
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Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
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DDD, also served by the bottle
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Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
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Holoma’s Soup
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Holoma’s Soup
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L.O.V.E. Shot
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Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
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Mikegasm
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Minty Mike
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Mr. M & Mrs. M
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Royale
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Prince Michael’s Pure
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Sangre
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The Force
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The Foreplay
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The Gentleman
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The Thriller
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Thug Passion
- A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
- MJ
- Bad Boy Shot
- Ms. Chastity
- Chocolate Mike
- Liquid CobraCrack™
- Creamy Mike
- Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
- Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
- Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
- Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
- DDD, also served by the bottle
- Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
- Holoma’s Soup
- Holoma’s Soup
- L.O.V.E. Shot
- Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
- Mikegasm
- Minty Mike
- Mr. M & Mrs. M
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
- Prince Royale
- Prince Michael’s Pure
- Sangre
- The Force
- The Foreplay
- The Gentleman
- The Thriller
- Thug Passion
Sorry about this, but please just give security your I.D. – we don’t want no trouble.

Okay now that you’re in, Look our Bar Room. :silly: :cheerful: Annie Decorated it and I think she’s done a FABULOUS job!!!!! Thanks Annie!!!!
After, if you are still walking, talking and coherent you might want to stop by our gift shop!!!!
N O W S E R V I N G :
Hey there handsome, excuse me for a minute I’ll be right with ya’ 
MENU LIST:
N E W ON THE M E N U!:

DDD, also served by the bottle

Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
INTRODUCING The dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA: Some of you addicts have been pretending. And it’s really not necessary. When you come into the bar, have a seat. Your drink has already been prepared. We’ll even serve you the bottle. After all, it’s got your name on it. :yes: :alien:
Warning: Do NOT Mix this drink with Bad Boy Shots. We’ve heard some stories, let me tell ya!

Bad Boy Shot
THE BAD BOY SHOT: Let’s face it, you’re not a good girl and you’ve never been one. You need something strong in ya and this big, black bottle IS IT. One shot is usually enough though we at CCC already know that’s not all you want. Pure Testosterone, raw masculinity infused with some BAD a$$ attitude – all you need to do is open up, throw this one back and wait for it.
:pouty: :sick: Warning (Drink Responsibly)

MJ

- MJ, Too
MJ: We’ve taken this infusion of all natural MJ bodily extracts and perfectly blended it into this refreshingly, naturally sweet and tangy citrus beverage we all ooooooof course, MJ. And we swear, it taste just like JUICE! We can’t really explain what it will do to you — experience it for yourself. You’ll understand after your very first swallow. :whistle:
A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
In honor of our favorite couple’s special night we at CCC have created two special drinks:
CHASTITY and UNLEASHED

Ms. CHASTITY
MS. CHASTITY: Coy and uninhibited, sweet and sincere. Remember when you were without fear, honest and whole — do you want to feel like that little girl again; do you want to experience, if only for a moment, the blissfulness of youth? Enjoy, Saniia’s Ms. CHASTITY. Experience the quality that captured Michael’s heart. INNOCENCE IS INTOXICATING.
UNLEASHED: Years of discipline, control and abstinence can only result in one thing: UNLEASHED. We were there. We captured it. We bottled it. Taste the flavor of unbridled passion.

Liquid CobraCrack ™
LIQUID COBRACRACK™ There hasn’t been a chapter uploaded for days! Your internet connection is on the blitz and you can’t find your IPod. Your family and friends have completely disassociated themselves from you because you’ve become a walking zombie. Not one of them understands why you’ve been staring at the blank screen of your computer for days now. But if you don’t get some Michael in you and in you quick, you will just explode!
Due to the number of addicts jonesing outside of CCC we rolled up our sleeves and created this TEMPORARY infusion of Michael in the form of Liquid CobraCrack ™. Stock up now while supplies last. Keep some in the back of your fridge, in the garage, under your desk at work and in your nightstand. Never be without Michael again!!! But Be Warned: Liquid CobraCrack ™ is equally as addictive as the real thing and there is a high likelihood of developing a tolerance very quickly. :sad: You really just can’t replace the real thing!!!!

The cool, refreshing boyish joy of Michael in your glass.
MINTY MIKE: Inspired by Sonia: We were just goofing off, experimenting when we took Michael’s cool smile, his refreshingly sincere good nature, his boyish charm and added just a dash of delight and to our surprise, POOF!!! A Minty Mike appeared! One sip and we couldn’t stop laughing!!! Almost scientifically identical to the chemical compound of JOY, this drink will chase away any and all of your blues and put a peppermint — permanent smile on your face. Enjoy!

Creamy Sabah
CREAMY SABAH: Creamy Chocolate Mike w/ just a hint of Sabah. We searched high and low for a non-x-rated picture that we could put up and this is what we came up with — WHEWWWW!!!!

Pure
Prince Michael’s PURE – Cool, Sweet and light as mist, this magical drink refreshingly satisfies your craving for Prince Michael without the calories or the alcohol. Passion distilled to its purest form, PURE WILL cure your thirst . . . but alas not your desire. Feel free to drink it all day and all night but be warned, Prince Michael always leaves you wanting more.

:wub: L.O.V.E.:When it comes to shots, we don’t offer anything that is more electrifying. We are serving the pure essence of Michael. It IS all that he had ever stood for and nothing more. People who met him basked in its warmth. It was in his words, his actions, his demeanor, his behavior and most of all, his smile. He simply exuded it from his pores. He gave and never asked for anything in return and now we offer the same to you.
If you’re feeling down and you need a pick me up; if you have been hit with a dose of negativity and need something to chase it away, we present to you something that will fill you with only the most natural of highs. It is ten times stronger than any of our other drinks and lasts twice as long: L.O.V.E. Have a shot today and experience the love of Michael Jackson. ***If you experience an immediate sense of peace, joy and contentment, don’t be alarmed that’s the magic of Michael in your system.

Chocolate Covered Mike
CHOCOLATE COVERED MIKE: For those of us with a sweet tooth introducing, Chocolate covered Mike. It’s decadently sweet, addictive, satisfying and unbelievably good for you. It’s just too perfect, OMG!!!!

SANGRE: Other establishments serve Sangria. We serve Sangre. Simply put, this sensually, seductive mixture of perfectly blended fruit, aged wine and just a tinsy weensy drop of Michael’s blood will invade your system and change your personality FOREVER. Undercover cameras captured the woman in the picture above seconds after she took one sip – we are not even sure she had a chance to swallow. Michael NEVER knew what hit him but I hear he was smiling for days afterward. Try it – if you’re woman enough. :devil:
THE FORCE: This drink is served with a resuscitation kit. I don’t’ think I need to say more!

The Prince Royale
THE PRINCE ROYALE: You’re a lady, and you know truthfully that is the only kind of woman who can capture Michael’s heart. You only drink to relax, not to get drunk like some of the lesser women who frequent Da Smooth Criminal. You’re not interested in cheap sex, you want a life time commitment from the object of your affection. Your drink will be served in our finest crystal, the ones etched in gold, on a silver platter in the VIP section of the bar. The smooth and fruity undertones of this vintage wine will peel away the layers of your resistance until you are as free from your inhibitions as any Creamy Mike lover. The only difference is you’ve done it with style. The price of this drink only reflects your superior self-worth. Go ahead splurge. You’re worth it! And Michael will definitely take notice. He enjoys the finer things in life and so do you.

Thug Passion
THUG PASSION: Okay it’s no Michael but you’re strapped for cash. The flavor doesn’t last as long but it’s just a ‘lil something to keep you going until you can get a REAL drink. A favorite of our financially challenged customers. What you see is what you get and damn, come on girls, you have to admit, it looks good as hell.
THE MABHA: A smooth and tangy combination of Sabah and Michael with a twist and zesty kick at the end. Don’t nurse it, ’cause it get’s flat. Drink it while it still has that sizzle!
THE GENTLEMAN WILL stay in you all night and will also be the first thing you feel when you wake up in the morning. Now let’s be clear: It’s not a hangover. It’s better than a hangover. It’s a HANG ON I’M CUMIN’.

Cool, milky, deceptively sweet.
THE MIKEGASM: Hands down, our most popular drink! Cool, Milky and deceptively sweet, you won’t see where the bang is coming from but IT WILL hit ya!!!!! What’s worst, you’ll keep ordering it anyway. We can’t explain why it explodes in your mouth, we just know we like it!!!! Make sure you have a designated driver if you start throwing back this one. We’re not going to take responsibility and you WON’T have just one.
MR. M: This is our signature beer. We brew it on the premises but if you’re watching yourself, you can get our light version instead.
MRS. M: The light version of our homemade brew, for our responsible drinkers who also want to make it home in one piece.

Holoma's Soup
HOLOMA’S SOUP: This deceptively potent drink has babies popping up all over the place and since Michael loves da kids, we just can’t take it off the menu. It’s spicy and fruity and served with a strangely cool mist circling up top. Don’t mind the woman in the back hovering over the cauldron. She mixes a big batch of it every morning and though we’ve never asked for a specific list of ingredients, she says that it’s all natural and we trust her!!!

Creamy Mike

Creamy Mike w/ Extra Creme
CREAMY MIKE: (Inspired by Annie) Pure milk chocolate, lightened to perfection with thick, heavy cream and a blend of exotic liqueurs, the taste of this drink will linger in your mouth for hours. You’ll find yourself constantly licking your lips and thinking about it even after you’ve cleaned the last drop out of the glass with your finger. So delicious we naturally prepare two when it’s ordered because everyone gulps them down so quickly. BE WARNED: This drink WILL give you a particularly wicked alcoholic sugar rush. A number of women find it very difficult to keep their legs closed even after one small sip.

The Foreplay
THE FOREPLAY: (Inspired by Martinigirl) Trust me. Looks CAN be deceiving. This seemingly happy go lucky drink will put you flat on your back and keep you there. No matter what you’ve heard YOU ARE NOT READY for this drink. The tangy taste of pineapples smothered in Amaretto and Southern Comfort will knock you right off your feet – literally. Once on your back, you WILL stay there for days . . . and nights. I took this off the menu because I lost a couplah return customers. It’s served with a life size cut out of the Michael pic above. A bunch of people ordered, left and were never seen again.

Golden Boy
THE GOLDEN BOY: (Inspired by Enola) From the moment this Martini came into existence we knew it was special. Inexplicably sliding down your throat like icy cold molten lava, we struggled to formulate an adequate description. Fearing, because the drink was so powerful, that we would face multiple law suits if we put this volatile concoction on our menu we decided in the end it would only be safe to offer ONE drink PER PERSON per LIFE TIME. Ladies, ladies, before you protest, please try and understand: The Martini . . . shakes/stirs itself! (Cue dramatic music) ( O-O )
THE THRILLER — (Inspired by MJQuan) It sizzles, it pops, it dances in your mouth and then it gets down in you and makes you wanna dance, too. One sip, and your hand is up in the air, you’re pursing your lips and saying, “Oooooo”!!! This is our most popular non-alcoholic drink. You can take it all day and never get tired. Enjoy!

5,390 Responses to “Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room”
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"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
msjanice… are you trying to get me drunk? LOL
off to sleep ladies…
and to dream of PM
Martinigirl- I’m shocked. Why would you think I would try to get you drunk? :devil:
Breakfast is best eaten late at night, especially when drunk. HOLLA
Did I just say that?
Oh god, I read “holla” and I got shivers — thought you were someone else for a minute Ms. Janice! LOL!
i really need some help… i might try becoming a MJ impersonator… i love him so much…..i need the force…
MJ impersonator?
*looking at MJQuan seductively*
OMG, you ladies have to see this:
*sneaking in, looking around cautiously in order to find out if any of the ladies in the bar will get her drunk as fast as Gracie did yesterday, then decides it is safe to enter*
Hey ladies, what’s up?
Haven’t started drinking yet?
Well it’s 6.30 p.m. here in Denmark, so I guess it’s okay for me to have a Creamy Mike.
BOO! I found you dear Enola…..
Creamy Mike? my favorite! make mine extra creamy!
*Screaming in terror*
OOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOO!
Just kidding!
Hey Gracie! ;-)
Nice to see you again.
oof! sorry i scared you there!
i guess I should take it easy today….so what’s new in Denmark? You know, it’s funny but i literally see that green pushpin in my mind’s eye when i talk to you!
*taking a sip of my REAL red wine*
Well, it’s amost dinner time, and I’ve allowed myself a glass of wine before we eat.
I have the next 5 days off, so if I get a little tipsy it does not matter.
*sigh* only imaginary drinks for Grace today :pouty:
yes Easter break! kids will be off school and we are visiting my in-laws this weekend. i will definitely be needing to hit the crack after that!
just one shot of L.O.V.E. for me then i have to go…
peace everyone
Michael is so beautiful Annie, why do you bring him in here making those faces, you know the bar is going to go wild!
well hello annie………… how are you today, nice to see you *clears throat* in the room today…..*starts speaking rapidly* with all the other lovely ladies in here…. (looks around nervously)…
dont worry sabine i love you more, *takes quick glance at annies who winks her eye* uhm, i gotta go… *dashes out of the bar trying to hide a boner* (says to self) “calm down mj, remember you have to pretend to be MJQuan……”
Well I appreciate it MsJanice.. bring it on sister.
Okay everyone!!
:w00t: For some reason I got only 2 hours of sleep all night, been looking like a wreck all day, so I think I’ll just grab our bad boy along with a GENTLEMAN, and be outaa here early, and just head on into the recovery room!
Hopefully Michael will sing me to sleep and I’ll be doing this in no time :sleeping:
Hey I had to get some sleep too, but awwww what a morning! LOL!!!! I was laughing so hard when I put up the next chapter! :tongue: :sideways: :silly: :face: :lol:
oh… oh… I don’t know what to do.
Sabine… help me…
should I read it now or save it for the train ride tomorrow… oh… oh..
I need a drink to help me decide..
Dammit
that is just cold
:cwy:
:w00t: What did you say Sabine???
CHAPTER!
:lol: What chapter???? Oh that FAKE chapter, UU HA! GIRL, you must’ve had a great laughing at almost giving us all heart attacks, LOL!!
:unsure: I’m not sure if I’m in a position to have a drink today, after that BIG shock, maybe I’ll go straight to the recovery room
AAAWWW! MartiniGirl….you’re the blog drunk remember! Now come ON! Let’s have a drink together.
Sabine! Pass the strongest drink you’ve got! At least console us, PUULLLEASE!!!
:sick: We’re a bit shaken
Pulling out a couple of frosty cold Golden Boys*
Allllrirrrrrighteee then, let’s drink up! To sex, love, romance and of course, more sex, ala Cowboy mike style!
I’m giving out Michael Jackson Decoder rings with drinks for anyone who wants to take a shot at decoding the text at the bottom of the last chapter.
Who wants to give it a try?
Martinigril, this is PERFECT for a train ride, hours of fun, fun, fun :devil:
You know WHAT!
This just ain’t doin it! When all else fails, MICHAEL TO THE RESCUE!!!
(((HEY MICHAEL WHERE ARE YOU???)))
Wherever he is!! I think he’s gonna have to carry me on his back to Da Recovery Room, tonight.
:devil: By way Sabine, the way Michael came and complained to you about me, BOY!! Will I have something to say to him tonight. Girl you BETTA be ready for Michael!! You got alot of explaining to do, LOL!
Did you say Golden Boys?? GAME ON!
Come on Sonia…. let’s drink..
Sabs… oh you dirty dog!
I can decode… but it may be a dirty version. :whistle:
:cwy: Gone lookin for Michael, he’s the only thing that can cheer me up now.
:heart: Don’t worry dearies, I’ll bring him back to Da Bar!!!
Sabine have a line of L.O.V.E. shots ready!
Sonia, the only explaining that’s gonna be donna will be to Sabah!!!! After all, you girls keep messing w/ her man!
Martinigril, where are you off to and what holiday, if you don’t mind me asking?
I’m game for shot of L.O.V.E..
Hey addicts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m gonna need a few drinks after that prank Sabine pulled on us.
Here you go L.O.V.E. shot and decoder ring! Do you need a pencil? :lol:
No pencil needed. I just wanna drink to drown my sorrows away :sad:
:lol: Okay maybe this reverse psychology ain’t working.
Sabine I was just pulling you’re leg
:w00t: Please don’t tell Sabah, I’ll have to crawl under rock rather than face her wrath, LOL! Still haven’t got a clue, what she’s gonna do to Melissa (((SHUDDERING IN FEAR))).
:biggrin: Okay, give me several shots of L.O.V.E……Oh I’ll take the decoder ring as well. Like MartiniGirl I immediately panicked when I couldn’t read anything!
:lol: Keep it around just in case you decide to pull something like this again!
Of course…
I am off to visit my parents in Nova Scotia.
Have not seen them since 2007 – so it will be nice to see my parents.
And I love travelling by train… nice and relaxing.
drinks….. drinks.. let’s have a good friday shot!
Hey MartiniGirl
:smile: I’ll have a going away drink with you, as we say in Canada sometimes, BON VOYAGE!!!
OOHH! You’re traveling by train to Nova Scotia, you just reminded me of back home of the The Rockies, between British Columbia and Alberta. It’s been 9 years since I last went to Canada.
I haven’t said a word to Sabah, I think she might kick my butt too!
Ooooo, poor Melissa!
My mother is going back to Haiti tomorrow, so we are both going to see our parents, except my Mom is no walk in the park, let me tell you! but . . . . She’s cooking YES! My mother can’t cook her pants off!
Sabine. thought she would be in the States for at least a few months.
Is it safe for her to be there now?
Martinigirl- Have fun on your trip but before you leave, I just made a Creamy Mike for you to enjoy on your train ride. :heart:
Someone give me a force and a golden boy. After that shock Sabine just put my heart through.
I’m so desperate…I thought the doggone decoder ring thingies were real. lol.
yeah… I love drinks
Pink the are real – I used it – but then my computer censored what I decoded…
hmmmmmm to many Mikegasms!
bahaha..
I am happy to see my parents (In small doese of course)
but honestly I am wondering what I am gonna do without my CRACK ladies..
you guys are like family – without the potatoes, ham and gravey…
Here’s your drink PinkFrosting.
I made them both a double, you’re gonna need it.
I swear that prank was like hitting a wall going 90 mph. Lol
What the heck, I’m going to make mine a double as well. Bottoms up!
(((((Martinigirl))))) Love ya too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 :heart: :smile:
Wait what?! Please don’t play with my emotions. I thought sabine said she was still writing? If the ring decoders are real, please fill me in on how to use it. lol
Thanks msjanice! i will def need a double. lol My finger is still sore from hitting the mouse so fast when I saw a new chapter. lol
okay I am a serious crazed addict…
I have just printed all of PM to file so I can read on the train…
I have uploaded Yokohama, Brunei, and MTV specials to my laptop and have moonwalker and dancing the dream stuff in my MJ bag…. and I just made an MJ playlist for my Ipod and uploaded all his videos… geez I am only gone for a week… LOL
whatcha drinking msjaniceÉ gimme some!
WOW! MartiniGirl
You like to travel in style and in comfort I must say.
From which part of Canada are you traveling from??
:smile: But you know what I would love to travel in a train and be reading Cowboy Mike and TTWC, while looking out at the gorgeous scenery, it would bring the story even more to life! Have a nice trip.
I’m having a Golden Boy and it’s nice and cold.
Do you want yours to be a double as well?
You are set and ready to go. How long is the train ride?
hey ladies…still reeling from Sabine’s little “prank”
*Grace ponders*…. hmmmm…perhaps she has forgotten that a certain SOMEONE *cough* knows a certain SECRET *ahem* and hasn’t breathed one word of it YET so perhaps that SOMEONE might deserve a few extra drinks tonight…. :whistle:
MartiniGirl ( can i just call you Marti like in ‘Grease’? i’m not a very good typist) I’ll drink to seeing parents in small doses…
*lifting a glass of Sangre*
Cheers! and have a nice relaxing trip….I agree a long train ride with nothing to so but hit the Crack sounds pretty great to me! i’ll be traveling to visit the in-laws this weekend , just hoping noone gets carsick :sick:
Sonia… but of course. I am travelling from Toronto to Montreal – then hop trains to Truro Nova Scotia – and of course I will be thinking what CM /PM stories I can think of while on the train..
Msjanice I will certainly take you up on that double! Train ride is about 24 hours in total – 5 hours to one stop then we wait for an hour then over night and morning tillt he next stop – so my traing leaves at 11:30 – I arrive at my desitnation 3PM the next day… and I was smart this time – I got a sleeper… so it will be Mike and Me alone in the cabin… DOH!
LOL Gracie… if you call me Martini – I will answer.. I love GREASE.. summer lovin happened so fast…. actually if you say hey you I have a drink for you – I will answer as well
He you! How ’bout another drink? …..hey it worked!
Thanks Martini, I have a serious problem with typing ‘f’ instead of ‘g’ so i misspelled you ALOT!
isn’t Grease the best? …whenever my husband is browsing the menu on the TV and he sees it’s on he just groans and hands me the remote because he KNOWS i’m watching!
‘tell me more tell me more like does he have a car??”
Hey guys :whistle:
Has anyone seen Gracie *hiding masking tape behind my back*
Well, if you see her *fake smile* just telling her I was looking for her ‘kay?
*turning around and fake smile fall from my face. I scowl and run to the recovery room*
hahaha Gracie…. yup my hubby does the same thing!
tell me more, tell me more did you get very far…. LOL!
Okay ADDICTS – Happy Long Weekend and Happy Easter and happy CRACK addiction.
Hope I can sneak in and see you soon!
I need a drink to celebrate!
You see, I have just found a real treasure in one of my closets.
Something I thought I had lost for good.
At the very bottom of my closet I found the Michael Jackson bed linen (Bad) that my grandmother bought for me back in 1987 og 1988. (My mother hated Michael Jackson for some reason so she flatly refused to buy it. But grannie did – as always. She was great.) :smile:
I was standing in front of the closet, holding up the bed linen so I could take a good look at Michael, when my daughter showed up. She went: “Awww, I want that, please mummy!”
Of course I gave it to her straight away. (It could have been fun to sleep in it just one more time, but I am pretty sure my husband would have hated sharing his bed – and his wife – with Michael Jackson – even if MJ was made of cotton.
:wink:
MartiniGirl,
Have a nice trip to Nova Scotia!
hi Enola…what a treasure!!! Aren’t Grannie’s awesome?…they are the same all over the world it seems, can’t tell you how many times Mom said no but grannie came through…
but yes, I guess that would be a little too much pressure for your husband with Michael right there!
that reminds me of one time when my husband and i were still dating and we visited my parents and had to sleep in my little brother’s bed with Sesame Street linens…poor guy, he just couldn’t do it in front of Cookie Monster!
so I hear Sabine’s looking for me? Gosh, can’t imagine why :angel:
*Grace puts on platinum wig and huge shades disguise and heads for the recovery room*
Hi Gracie,
The Cookie Monster! LOL!
No wonder he couldn’t do it!
Michael would have loved it though… :smile: