15
Mar
2010
Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room
Step Right up and Grab a Drink Before You Get Your Hit. Don’t see what you want? You can look at all the drinks on the menu individually — just click on the picture!
[itk-eticker]INTRODUCING THE dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA![/itk-eticker]
Have an Idea for a new drink? Please leave a comment and we’ll see about putting it on the menu!!!!
-
-
A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
-
-
MJ
-
-
Bad Boy Shot
-
-
Ms. Chastity
-
-
Chocolate Mike
-
-
Liquid CobraCrack™
-
-
Creamy Mike
-
-
Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
-
-
Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
-
-
Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
-
-
Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
-
-
DDD, also served by the bottle
-
-
Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
-
-
Holoma’s Soup
-
-
Holoma’s Soup
-
-
L.O.V.E. Shot
-
-
Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
-
-
Mikegasm
-
-
Minty Mike
-
-
Mr. M & Mrs. M
-
-
Prince Michael’s Unleashed
-
-
Prince Michael’s Unleashed
-
-
Prince Royale
-
-
Prince Michael’s Pure
-
-
Sangre
-
-
The Force
-
-
The Foreplay
-
-
The Gentleman
-
-
The Thriller
-
-
Thug Passion
-
- A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
-
- MJ
-
- Bad Boy Shot
-
- Ms. Chastity
-
- Chocolate Mike
-
- Liquid CobraCrack™
-
- Creamy Mike
-
- Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
-
- Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
-
- Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
-
- Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
-
- DDD, also served by the bottle
-
- Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
-
- Holoma’s Soup
-
- Holoma’s Soup
-
- L.O.V.E. Shot
-
- Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
-
- Mikegasm
-
- Minty Mike
-
- Mr. M & Mrs. M
-
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
-
- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
-
- Prince Royale
-
- Prince Michael’s Pure
-
- Sangre
-
- The Force
-
- The Foreplay
-
- The Gentleman
-
- The Thriller
-
- Thug Passion
Sorry about this, but please just give security your I.D. – we don’t want no trouble.
Okay now that you’re in, Look our Bar Room. :silly: :cheerful: Annie Decorated it and I think she’s done a FABULOUS job!!!!! Thanks Annie!!!!
After, if you are still walking, talking and coherent you might want to stop by our gift shop!!!!
N O W S E R V I N G :
Hey there handsome, excuse me for a minute I’ll be right with ya’ 
MENU LIST:
N E W ON THE M E N U!:
DDD, also served by the bottle
Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
INTRODUCING The dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA: Some of you addicts have been pretending. And it’s really not necessary. When you come into the bar, have a seat. Your drink has already been prepared. We’ll even serve you the bottle. After all, it’s got your name on it. :yes: :alien:
Warning: Do NOT Mix this drink with Bad Boy Shots. We’ve heard some stories, let me tell ya!
Bad Boy Shot
THE BAD BOY SHOT: Let’s face it, you’re not a good girl and you’ve never been one. You need something strong in ya and this big, black bottle IS IT. One shot is usually enough though we at CCC already know that’s not all you want. Pure Testosterone, raw masculinity infused with some BAD a$$ attitude – all you need to do is open up, throw this one back and wait for it.
:pouty: :sick: Warning (Drink Responsibly)
MJ
- MJ, Too
MJ: We’ve taken this infusion of all natural MJ bodily extracts and perfectly blended it into this refreshingly, naturally sweet and tangy citrus beverage we all ooooooof course, MJ. And we swear, it taste just like JUICE! We can’t really explain what it will do to you — experience it for yourself. You’ll understand after your very first swallow. :whistle:
A Wet Sabah -- Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
In honor of our favorite couple’s special night we at CCC have created two special drinks:
CHASTITY and UNLEASHED
Ms. CHASTITY
MS. CHASTITY: Coy and uninhibited, sweet and sincere. Remember when you were without fear, honest and whole — do you want to feel like that little girl again; do you want to experience, if only for a moment, the blissfulness of youth? Enjoy, Saniia’s Ms. CHASTITY. Experience the quality that captured Michael’s heart. INNOCENCE IS INTOXICATING.
Unleashed
UNLEASHED: Years of discipline, control and abstinence can only result in one thing: UNLEASHED. We were there. We captured it. We bottled it. Taste the flavor of unbridled passion.
Liquid CobraCrack™
Liquid CobraCrack ™
LIQUID COBRACRACK™ There hasn’t been a chapter uploaded for days! Your internet connection is on the blitz and you can’t find your IPod. Your family and friends have completely disassociated themselves from you because you’ve become a walking zombie. Not one of them understands why you’ve been staring at the blank screen of your computer for days now. But if you don’t get some Michael in you and in you quick, you will just explode!
Due to the number of addicts jonesing outside of CCC we rolled up our sleeves and created this TEMPORARY infusion of Michael in the form of Liquid CobraCrack ™. Stock up now while supplies last. Keep some in the back of your fridge, in the garage, under your desk at work and in your nightstand. Never be without Michael again!!! But Be Warned: Liquid CobraCrack ™ is equally as addictive as the real thing and there is a high likelihood of developing a tolerance very quickly. :sad: You really just can’t replace the real thing!!!!
The cool, refreshing boyish joy of Michael in your glass.
MINTY MIKE: Inspired by Sonia: We were just goofing off, experimenting when we took Michael’s cool smile, his refreshingly sincere good nature, his boyish charm and added just a dash of delight and to our surprise, POOF!!! A Minty Mike appeared! One sip and we couldn’t stop laughing!!! Almost scientifically identical to the chemical compound of JOY, this drink will chase away any and all of your blues and put a peppermint — permanent smile on your face. Enjoy!
Creamy Sabah
CREAMY SABAH: Creamy Chocolate Mike w/ just a hint of Sabah. We searched high and low for a non-x-rated picture that we could put up and this is what we came up with — WHEWWWW!!!!
Pure
Prince Michael’s PURE – Cool, Sweet and light as mist, this magical drink refreshingly satisfies your craving for Prince Michael without the calories or the alcohol. Passion distilled to its purest form, PURE WILL cure your thirst . . . but alas not your desire. Feel free to drink it all day and all night but be warned, Prince Michael always leaves you wanting more.
:wub: L.O.V.E.:When it comes to shots, we don’t offer anything that is more electrifying. We are serving the pure essence of Michael. It IS all that he had ever stood for and nothing more. People who met him basked in its warmth. It was in his words, his actions, his demeanor, his behavior and most of all, his smile. He simply exuded it from his pores. He gave and never asked for anything in return and now we offer the same to you.
If you’re feeling down and you need a pick me up; if you have been hit with a dose of negativity and need something to chase it away, we present to you something that will fill you with only the most natural of highs. It is ten times stronger than any of our other drinks and lasts twice as long: L.O.V.E. Have a shot today and experience the love of Michael Jackson. ***If you experience an immediate sense of peace, joy and contentment, don’t be alarmed that’s the magic of Michael in your system.
Chocolate Covered Mike
CHOCOLATE COVERED MIKE: For those of us with a sweet tooth introducing, Chocolate covered Mike. It’s decadently sweet, addictive, satisfying and unbelievably good for you. It’s just too perfect, OMG!!!!
- Sangre
SANGRE: Other establishments serve Sangria. We serve Sangre. Simply put, this sensually, seductive mixture of perfectly blended fruit, aged wine and just a tinsy weensy drop of Michael’s blood will invade your system and change your personality FOREVER. Undercover cameras captured the woman in the picture above seconds after she took one sip – we are not even sure she had a chance to swallow. Michael NEVER knew what hit him but I hear he was smiling for days afterward. Try it – if you’re woman enough. :devil:
The Force - it has a lot of power!
THE FORCE: This drink is served with a resuscitation kit. I don’t’ think I need to say more!
The Prince Royale
THE PRINCE ROYALE: You’re a lady, and you know truthfully that is the only kind of woman who can capture Michael’s heart. You only drink to relax, not to get drunk like some of the lesser women who frequent Da Smooth Criminal. You’re not interested in cheap sex, you want a life time commitment from the object of your affection. Your drink will be served in our finest crystal, the ones etched in gold, on a silver platter in the VIP section of the bar. The smooth and fruity undertones of this vintage wine will peel away the layers of your resistance until you are as free from your inhibitions as any Creamy Mike lover. The only difference is you’ve done it with style. The price of this drink only reflects your superior self-worth. Go ahead splurge. You’re worth it! And Michael will definitely take notice. He enjoys the finer things in life and so do you.
Thug Passion
THUG PASSION: Okay it’s no Michael but you’re strapped for cash. The flavor doesn’t last as long but it’s just a ‘lil something to keep you going until you can get a REAL drink. A favorite of our financially challenged customers. What you see is what you get and damn, come on girls, you have to admit, it looks good as hell.
THE MABHA * Michael chose the name so excuse the spelling : )
THE MABHA: A smooth and tangy combination of Sabah and Michael with a twist and zesty kick at the end. Don’t nurse it, ’cause it get’s flat. Drink it while it still has that sizzle!
THE GENTLEMAN
THE GENTLEMAN WILL stay in you all night and will also be the first thing you feel when you wake up in the morning. Now let’s be clear: It’s not a hangover. It’s better than a hangover. It’s a HANG ON I’M CUMIN’.
Cool, milky, deceptively sweet.
THE MIKEGASM: Hands down, our most popular drink! Cool, Milky and deceptively sweet, you won’t see where the bang is coming from but IT WILL hit ya!!!!! What’s worst, you’ll keep ordering it anyway. We can’t explain why it explodes in your mouth, we just know we like it!!!! Make sure you have a designated driver if you start throwing back this one. We’re not going to take responsibility and you WON’T have just one.
Mr. M, Home Brewed Right Here at CCC daily!
MR. M: This is our signature beer. We brew it on the premises but if you’re watching yourself, you can get our light version instead.
Mrs. M, For Our Lady Cowgirls who WANNA remember the good times!
MRS. M: The light version of our homemade brew, for our responsible drinkers who also want to make it home in one piece.
Holoma's Soup
HOLOMA’S SOUP: This deceptively potent drink has babies popping up all over the place and since Michael loves da kids, we just can’t take it off the menu. It’s spicy and fruity and served with a strangely cool mist circling up top. Don’t mind the woman in the back hovering over the cauldron. She mixes a big batch of it every morning and though we’ve never asked for a specific list of ingredients, she says that it’s all natural and we trust her!!!
Creamy Mike
Creamy Mike w/ Extra Creme
CREAMY MIKE: (Inspired by Annie) Pure milk chocolate, lightened to perfection with thick, heavy cream and a blend of exotic liqueurs, the taste of this drink will linger in your mouth for hours. You’ll find yourself constantly licking your lips and thinking about it even after you’ve cleaned the last drop out of the glass with your finger. So delicious we naturally prepare two when it’s ordered because everyone gulps them down so quickly. BE WARNED: This drink WILL give you a particularly wicked alcoholic sugar rush. A number of women find it very difficult to keep their legs closed even after one small sip.
The Foreplay
THE FOREPLAY: (Inspired by Martinigirl) Trust me. Looks CAN be deceiving. This seemingly happy go lucky drink will put you flat on your back and keep you there. No matter what you’ve heard YOU ARE NOT READY for this drink. The tangy taste of pineapples smothered in Amaretto and Southern Comfort will knock you right off your feet – literally. Once on your back, you WILL stay there for days . . . and nights. I took this off the menu because I lost a couplah return customers. It’s served with a life size cut out of the Michael pic above. A bunch of people ordered, left and were never seen again.
Golden Boy
THE GOLDEN BOY: (Inspired by Enola) From the moment this Martini came into existence we knew it was special. Inexplicably sliding down your throat like icy cold molten lava, we struggled to formulate an adequate description. Fearing, because the drink was so powerful, that we would face multiple law suits if we put this volatile concoction on our menu we decided in the end it would only be safe to offer ONE drink PER PERSON per LIFE TIME. Ladies, ladies, before you protest, please try and understand: The Martini . . . shakes/stirs itself! (Cue dramatic music) ( O-O )
The Thriller
THE THRILLER — (Inspired by MJQuan) It sizzles, it pops, it dances in your mouth and then it gets down in you and makes you wanna dance, too. One sip, and your hand is up in the air, you’re pursing your lips and saying, “Oooooo”!!! This is our most popular non-alcoholic drink. You can take it all day and never get tired. Enjoy!
5,390 Responses to “Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
(Spike to Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)
"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
"----->His intelligence is instinctual and emotional, like a child’s. If any artist loses that childlikeness, you lose a lot of creative juice. So Michael creates around himself a world that protects his creativity”. ~ Jane Fonda
PBJ is one of my favs!
I didn’t need you to make lunch for me…. I was just wondering what ws on da menu.
I got my tuna sandwich and chopped up carrots righ here…
and it sounds ike dessert is gonna be the COBRA…
Annie love the gif… (I also sent you anoher frient request)
Gracie,
In case MartiniGirl comes over and you feel you need a little asistance in the kitchen – just call Enola’s Take Away and I’ll try to send a magnificent dinner you way by means of teleportation!
Okay, I don’t know if any of you European, Canadian, Etc. girls know anything about this but I just finished filling out my Census form and let me just say…”10 Questions in 10 Minutes” my BOOTIE!! There are 7 questions for each PERSON in your HOUSE!! AARGH! I hate paperwork of any kind and that totally sobered me up :sad:
Enola, I love you! :heart: ….a magnificent dinner via teleportation!?!?! why didn’t someone think of that before!! sign me up girl!
settling in with 2 Creamy Mikes to take me back to my happy place :smile: …..*sigh* that’s better…..
Census form?
Jesus Christmas…
I just checked on the internet to make sure it was what I thought it was.
The last time we had a census in Denmark was back in 1970. Now every person is given a number in the Central Registre of Persons (database) as soon as they’re born or gain Danish citizenship – and voila – no need to count – it’s all in the database. Every little bit of personal information is tied to that number for the rest of your life – except information on race, religion, education and sexual observance. These things are left out. It works brilliantly – don’t ask me how – but mishaps are extremely rare.
Enola, i honestly don’t really know the point of the whole census thing…I mean, obviously it’s to count every person and know where they are but i don’t understand how they don’t already know this by birth certificates, social security numbers and citizenship applications, tax records, etc. They ask for names, dates of birth and race of everyone living at every address.
you know, i was thinking of you earlier today, reading my local paper. There are several German exchange students at a nearby high school who were supposed to be going home and the American students in Germany returning here, this past weekend but all have been unable to travel due to the volcano you told us about last week. It made me think about what a small world it really is and how we are all connected. I read that they are beginning air travel again, are things back to normal where you are?
Yes, everything is back to normal – or sort of. The airports are back in business but more than 200.000 travellers were left stranded here, so it’s going to take a while for things to really get back to normal.
Besides there’s always a risk that the airports have to close again if there’s a change in the wind direction.
I can’t believe you have to fill in race in the form. There should be only one answer… HUMAN BEING.
@Gracie
Hey there I know what you mean, this census thing is so stupid. I’m Canadian living in US now for 10 years. In Canada they do it once every 10 years, and my parents use to make me fill it out because I was the eldest and I guess the most smartest one in the family. They do it to gather data and see what the demographics of the population and all is, like what ethnicity, the languages being spoken in homes, and all. But I agree there are lots of redundant questions they don’t need to ask. Like how many people living in a particular house, they use to ask how many rooms there are in the house, and how old the home is, what year it was built in, what’s the religion in the home and what language all the members of the household speak, blah blah blah.
oh my god..OH MY GOD…
FO YOU GUYS SEE…we are gettign two… we are getting two chapters.. I can see it I can seeit..
OYE – I am blind.
*thud*
:w00t: OMG…2 CHAPTERS BUT THE LINKS AREN’T WORKING YET!! ERROR 404
SABINE….HELP DO SOMETHING!!!
SoniaFierce, I am telling you girl you are FAST!!!!!!
:cheerful:
Yeah, yeah, I noticed it too!
Something is definitely brewing!
YIIIEEEEE-HAAAAAAAH!
:w00t: I’LL READ CM FIRST!!! and save TTWC for last and savor it!!!
Sabine, I may not always comment first but girl I’m right there the first one to notice!
Nope I got that on ya Sonia… hahahahahah
holy crap – I can’t even speak
too funny!
OMG OMG OMG!! I love you Sabine! :kissing: :kissing: :kissing: :kissing: :kissing:
Girl, you sure know how to perk up a rainy day! but how. pray tell, how do I choose???? the absinthe or cocaine?!?!?
You have to decide how high you really want to be Gracie :smile:
Luv you back! :heart:
That’s it!
I am going home “sick”
:cheerful: no mgirl, how are you going to pay for the drinks!!!!
OMG! Now I really need a drink. Just finished reading TTWC.
I’m going to save CM for tomorrow. Want to let TTWC sink in first.
Please send a bit of The Force my way!
I need it.
Nelson… Come on! :sick:
Glass of Force coming right up!!!!
Poor guy!
*sigh*
I don’t know what to do with myself….
:cwy:
You are beautiful and evil my queen
I need s drink.. may I have a LOVE shot pretty please
Mgirl need sa time out in the corner
:blink: I think everyone has officially over dosed!
cRaCK!
ACK!
*cough*
:blink:
:shocked: See, THIS is why some dealers water down their drinks of cut their crack with flour —
:ermm: you just can’t have people ODing on you —
no return customers!
:blink:
light bulb my batuttie…
I need rehab…
my heart is all hurtie…
:ermm:
Is that a song I never heard before, Mgirl?
What you doing laying on the floor behind the bar?
:ermm:
*sigh* sorry boss… I needed to lie down.
morning addicts…
two creamy MIke’s to go…
see you all later
:heart:
Morning!!!!
I love how you check in for “work” before you go off to “work”!
:wub:
*handing MGirl a tray with two 7/11 gulp size cups in it*
Good Morning girls! Happy Earth Day!! I haven’t gotten the chance to finish even one chapter yet so that is my mission today. It’s hard because i can only seem to sneak away for 5 or 10 minutes here and there before someone misses me but today, dirty dishes be damned, the laundry can wait, and EVERYBODY is taking a nap! MAma needs da CRACK!
I’m filling my Big Gulp with Prince Michael’s PURE to get me through the morning ……I’ll be back!
Gracie, sit on the washing machine and read — but jump off when it get’s to the sexual parts, because the shaking of the washing machine might . . . um
:ermm:
:cheerful: Wait! You might like that!
:lol:
Today is Earth Day! Did I tell you guys that I am such an environmentalist!!! I love the Earth!!!
oooh , hmmm…sitting on the washing machine might be interesting if it weren’t down in my creepy dungeon of a basement!! I swear, even the cat doesn’t like going down there!
(((hug))) for you and all my fellow tree huggers! :heart: don’t even get me started on Earth Day!! Maybe it was growing up out in the country but being “green” has always been second nature to me, we are a cloth-diapering, reusing, composting, walking family. I am fortunate to live in a mediumish city with a very “green-minded” community of sustainable businesses and construction, etc. it’s so exciting to see small steps making a difference!
desperately want to stay and read more but out i must go!
Ha, ha, I stand over my daughter and say, did you just throw away that perfectly good paper towel that you used to dry your hands?
That say I am soooooooo annoying!
I love this quote: Treat the Earth well. It was not given to you by your parents. It was loan to you by your children.
And: When all the trees have been cut down.
When all the animals have been hunted.
When all the waters are polluted
When all the air is unsafe to breathe. . . .
Then you will discover that you cannot eat money.
I’m stepping out for a moment — actually I’m going to see Disney’s Earth movie, in honor of Earth Day! BRB!
WooHOo! It’s not even noon and the little who is asnooze in her bed, I just took 2 Excedrin to calm down the gophers digging around in my sinuses, I’m grabbing a pitcher of Creamy Mike and my tissue box and heading over to the castle to finally finish TTWC!
Here’s a little Earth Day bootie for everyone! :wink:
http://tinypic.com/r/nzi1p3/5
Cheers!!
Oh, I just remembered, Sabine, I loved your environmental quotes, I had never heard the second one, I wrote it down to put on my frig! Here’s a favorite of mine I see frequently on a bumper sticker in my neighborhood:
“Keep the Earth clean…it’s not Uranus”
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Hey guys, okay, I’m back!!!! :lol: Gracie that’s a funny quote!
My quotes are from American Indian proverbs. I love their culture! I think they really were connected to the Earth in a way that our generation could learn from.
Happy Earth Day!!
What have we done to the world
Look what we’ve done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son…
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine…
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores
Aren’t those lyrics beautiful!
*sigh*
We’re talking about karma and all that jazz over in the new Cowboy Mike chapter. When I read lyrics like this, I know that Michael GOT it on so many levels..
I think you start looking at the world and caring about things greater than yourself when you’re spiritually connected.
Michael was all about others, he gave and gave and gave and got nothig in return. He was connected with his spiritual side and knew what really mattered, was caring for one another and protecting the planet!
Yes, Michael was tooooooooo good for this world. I know we MJ fans say that all the time, but it’s so true!!!!!
:wub:
I think Katherine had a lot to do with that!
*sneaking in*
thanks boss for the gulp sizes – they were delic!
I may need a refill… as I head to the stage for another night.
ladies… hope you all are well today…
:cheerful: Hi Martini —
:wassat: Hey . . .
*looking towards the empty doorway*
Was that Martinigirl?
:pouty:
*DOH*
sorry boss you know I am running on empty!
lemme look around and see what I can drink.!
mmmorning addicts
*another drive by*
tsk, I forgot to come back and get my drink last night…
and now I got the jitters and am jonesing for something sweet
Mama needs a hit before her new course this morning!
:whistle: :whistle: :whistle:
Whose that whistling in the bar????
*opening up the curtains*
Oh, I see now! hey girl! :smile:
Grab a Thriller, and next time don’t be coming in here with dark glasses and a trench coat trying to scare me! :lol:
tee he-he…
Sorry boss – I didn’t mean to!
Darn crack signed me out – like I was over my limit or something.
Errr wait a minute – am I over my limit?
*looking around*
Quickly shoving the Thriller in my pants and running out da door!
Be back in a bit! I gotta get on the CM comment train… I just might be ready!
:angel:
Okay, that can of Thriller, I hope you don’t share it with anyone !
:pouty:
Hello? (hello…hello…..hello)
gee, it’s like a ghost town in here! What does a lady have to do to get a drink around here?
I need a couple shots of L.O.V.E….have a busy Friday yet to come.
MartiniGirl, you are like a shadow passing by here lately…I hope you have a nice relaxing weekend coming up!
*runs in pours L.O.V.E. into Gracie’s Big Gulp cup and runs out*