15
Mar
2010
Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room
Step Right up and Grab a Drink Before You Get Your Hit. Don’t see what you want? You can look at all the drinks on the menu individually — just click on the picture!
[itk-eticker]INTRODUCING THE dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA![/itk-eticker]
Have an Idea for a new drink? Please leave a comment and we’ll see about putting it on the menu!!!!
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A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
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MJ
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Bad Boy Shot
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Ms. Chastity
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Chocolate Mike
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Liquid CobraCrack™
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Creamy Mike
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Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
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Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
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Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
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Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
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DDD, also served by the bottle
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Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
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Holoma’s Soup
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Holoma’s Soup
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L.O.V.E. Shot
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Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
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Mikegasm
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Minty Mike
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Mr. M & Mrs. M
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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Prince Royale
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Prince Michael’s Pure
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Sangre
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The Force
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The Foreplay
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The Gentleman
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The Thriller
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Thug Passion
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- A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
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- MJ
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- Bad Boy Shot
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- Ms. Chastity
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- Chocolate Mike
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- Liquid CobraCrack™
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- Creamy Mike
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- Creamy Mike w/ Strawberry Sabah’s Fave
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- Creamy Mike w/ Chocolate – Sabah loves it!
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- Creamy Orgasm (Mikegasm +Creamy Mike)
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- Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
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- DDD, also served by the bottle
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- Golden Boy – Lil Mike mixes/stirs
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- Holoma’s Soup
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- Holoma’s Soup
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- L.O.V.E. Shot
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- Mahba Mike + Sabah, a Perfect Combo
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- Mikegasm
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- Minty Mike
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- Mr. M & Mrs. M
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- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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- Prince Michael’s Unleashed
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- Prince Royale
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- Prince Michael’s Pure
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- Sangre
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- The Force
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- The Foreplay
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- The Gentleman
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- The Thriller
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- Thug Passion
Sorry about this, but please just give security your I.D. – we don’t want no trouble.
Okay now that you’re in, Look our Bar Room. :silly: :cheerful: Annie Decorated it and I think she’s done a FABULOUS job!!!!! Thanks Annie!!!!
After, if you are still walking, talking and coherent you might want to stop by our gift shop!!!!
N O W S E R V I N G :
Hey there handsome, excuse me for a minute I’ll be right with ya’ 
MENU LIST:
N E W ON THE M E N U!:
DDD, also served by the bottle
Dirty Dirty Dirty Diana
INTRODUCING The dirty, Dirty, DIRTY DIANA: Some of you addicts have been pretending. And it’s really not necessary. When you come into the bar, have a seat. Your drink has already been prepared. We’ll even serve you the bottle. After all, it’s got your name on it. :yes: :alien:
Warning: Do NOT Mix this drink with Bad Boy Shots. We’ve heard some stories, let me tell ya!
Bad Boy Shot
THE BAD BOY SHOT: Let’s face it, you’re not a good girl and you’ve never been one. You need something strong in ya and this big, black bottle IS IT. One shot is usually enough though we at CCC already know that’s not all you want. Pure Testosterone, raw masculinity infused with some BAD a$$ attitude – all you need to do is open up, throw this one back and wait for it.
:pouty: :sick: Warning (Drink Responsibly)
MJ
- MJ, Too
MJ: We’ve taken this infusion of all natural MJ bodily extracts and perfectly blended it into this refreshingly, naturally sweet and tangy citrus beverage we all ooooooof course, MJ. And we swear, it taste just like JUICE! We can’t really explain what it will do to you — experience it for yourself. You’ll understand after your very first swallow. :whistle:
A Wet Sabah -- Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
A Wet Sabah: Creamy Sabah w/ just a hint of Michael in her.
In honor of our favorite couple’s special night we at CCC have created two special drinks:
CHASTITY and UNLEASHED
Ms. CHASTITY
MS. CHASTITY: Coy and uninhibited, sweet and sincere. Remember when you were without fear, honest and whole — do you want to feel like that little girl again; do you want to experience, if only for a moment, the blissfulness of youth? Enjoy, Saniia’s Ms. CHASTITY. Experience the quality that captured Michael’s heart. INNOCENCE IS INTOXICATING.
Unleashed
UNLEASHED: Years of discipline, control and abstinence can only result in one thing: UNLEASHED. We were there. We captured it. We bottled it. Taste the flavor of unbridled passion.
Liquid CobraCrack™
Liquid CobraCrack ™
LIQUID COBRACRACK™ There hasn’t been a chapter uploaded for days! Your internet connection is on the blitz and you can’t find your IPod. Your family and friends have completely disassociated themselves from you because you’ve become a walking zombie. Not one of them understands why you’ve been staring at the blank screen of your computer for days now. But if you don’t get some Michael in you and in you quick, you will just explode!
Due to the number of addicts jonesing outside of CCC we rolled up our sleeves and created this TEMPORARY infusion of Michael in the form of Liquid CobraCrack ™. Stock up now while supplies last. Keep some in the back of your fridge, in the garage, under your desk at work and in your nightstand. Never be without Michael again!!! But Be Warned: Liquid CobraCrack ™ is equally as addictive as the real thing and there is a high likelihood of developing a tolerance very quickly. :sad: You really just can’t replace the real thing!!!!
The cool, refreshing boyish joy of Michael in your glass.
MINTY MIKE: Inspired by Sonia: We were just goofing off, experimenting when we took Michael’s cool smile, his refreshingly sincere good nature, his boyish charm and added just a dash of delight and to our surprise, POOF!!! A Minty Mike appeared! One sip and we couldn’t stop laughing!!! Almost scientifically identical to the chemical compound of JOY, this drink will chase away any and all of your blues and put a peppermint — permanent smile on your face. Enjoy!
Creamy Sabah
CREAMY SABAH: Creamy Chocolate Mike w/ just a hint of Sabah. We searched high and low for a non-x-rated picture that we could put up and this is what we came up with — WHEWWWW!!!!
Pure
Prince Michael’s PURE – Cool, Sweet and light as mist, this magical drink refreshingly satisfies your craving for Prince Michael without the calories or the alcohol. Passion distilled to its purest form, PURE WILL cure your thirst . . . but alas not your desire. Feel free to drink it all day and all night but be warned, Prince Michael always leaves you wanting more.
:wub: L.O.V.E.:When it comes to shots, we don’t offer anything that is more electrifying. We are serving the pure essence of Michael. It IS all that he had ever stood for and nothing more. People who met him basked in its warmth. It was in his words, his actions, his demeanor, his behavior and most of all, his smile. He simply exuded it from his pores. He gave and never asked for anything in return and now we offer the same to you.
If you’re feeling down and you need a pick me up; if you have been hit with a dose of negativity and need something to chase it away, we present to you something that will fill you with only the most natural of highs. It is ten times stronger than any of our other drinks and lasts twice as long: L.O.V.E. Have a shot today and experience the love of Michael Jackson. ***If you experience an immediate sense of peace, joy and contentment, don’t be alarmed that’s the magic of Michael in your system.
Chocolate Covered Mike
CHOCOLATE COVERED MIKE: For those of us with a sweet tooth introducing, Chocolate covered Mike. It’s decadently sweet, addictive, satisfying and unbelievably good for you. It’s just too perfect, OMG!!!!
- Sangre
SANGRE: Other establishments serve Sangria. We serve Sangre. Simply put, this sensually, seductive mixture of perfectly blended fruit, aged wine and just a tinsy weensy drop of Michael’s blood will invade your system and change your personality FOREVER. Undercover cameras captured the woman in the picture above seconds after she took one sip – we are not even sure she had a chance to swallow. Michael NEVER knew what hit him but I hear he was smiling for days afterward. Try it – if you’re woman enough. :devil:
The Force - it has a lot of power!
THE FORCE: This drink is served with a resuscitation kit. I don’t’ think I need to say more!
The Prince Royale
THE PRINCE ROYALE: You’re a lady, and you know truthfully that is the only kind of woman who can capture Michael’s heart. You only drink to relax, not to get drunk like some of the lesser women who frequent Da Smooth Criminal. You’re not interested in cheap sex, you want a life time commitment from the object of your affection. Your drink will be served in our finest crystal, the ones etched in gold, on a silver platter in the VIP section of the bar. The smooth and fruity undertones of this vintage wine will peel away the layers of your resistance until you are as free from your inhibitions as any Creamy Mike lover. The only difference is you’ve done it with style. The price of this drink only reflects your superior self-worth. Go ahead splurge. You’re worth it! And Michael will definitely take notice. He enjoys the finer things in life and so do you.
Thug Passion
THUG PASSION: Okay it’s no Michael but you’re strapped for cash. The flavor doesn’t last as long but it’s just a ‘lil something to keep you going until you can get a REAL drink. A favorite of our financially challenged customers. What you see is what you get and damn, come on girls, you have to admit, it looks good as hell.
THE MABHA * Michael chose the name so excuse the spelling : )
THE MABHA: A smooth and tangy combination of Sabah and Michael with a twist and zesty kick at the end. Don’t nurse it, ’cause it get’s flat. Drink it while it still has that sizzle!
THE GENTLEMAN
THE GENTLEMAN WILL stay in you all night and will also be the first thing you feel when you wake up in the morning. Now let’s be clear: It’s not a hangover. It’s better than a hangover. It’s a HANG ON I’M CUMIN’.
Cool, milky, deceptively sweet.
THE MIKEGASM: Hands down, our most popular drink! Cool, Milky and deceptively sweet, you won’t see where the bang is coming from but IT WILL hit ya!!!!! What’s worst, you’ll keep ordering it anyway. We can’t explain why it explodes in your mouth, we just know we like it!!!! Make sure you have a designated driver if you start throwing back this one. We’re not going to take responsibility and you WON’T have just one.
Mr. M, Home Brewed Right Here at CCC daily!
MR. M: This is our signature beer. We brew it on the premises but if you’re watching yourself, you can get our light version instead.
Mrs. M, For Our Lady Cowgirls who WANNA remember the good times!
MRS. M: The light version of our homemade brew, for our responsible drinkers who also want to make it home in one piece.
Holoma's Soup
HOLOMA’S SOUP: This deceptively potent drink has babies popping up all over the place and since Michael loves da kids, we just can’t take it off the menu. It’s spicy and fruity and served with a strangely cool mist circling up top. Don’t mind the woman in the back hovering over the cauldron. She mixes a big batch of it every morning and though we’ve never asked for a specific list of ingredients, she says that it’s all natural and we trust her!!!
Creamy Mike
Creamy Mike w/ Extra Creme
CREAMY MIKE: (Inspired by Annie) Pure milk chocolate, lightened to perfection with thick, heavy cream and a blend of exotic liqueurs, the taste of this drink will linger in your mouth for hours. You’ll find yourself constantly licking your lips and thinking about it even after you’ve cleaned the last drop out of the glass with your finger. So delicious we naturally prepare two when it’s ordered because everyone gulps them down so quickly. BE WARNED: This drink WILL give you a particularly wicked alcoholic sugar rush. A number of women find it very difficult to keep their legs closed even after one small sip.
The Foreplay
THE FOREPLAY: (Inspired by Martinigirl) Trust me. Looks CAN be deceiving. This seemingly happy go lucky drink will put you flat on your back and keep you there. No matter what you’ve heard YOU ARE NOT READY for this drink. The tangy taste of pineapples smothered in Amaretto and Southern Comfort will knock you right off your feet – literally. Once on your back, you WILL stay there for days . . . and nights. I took this off the menu because I lost a couplah return customers. It’s served with a life size cut out of the Michael pic above. A bunch of people ordered, left and were never seen again.
Golden Boy
THE GOLDEN BOY: (Inspired by Enola) From the moment this Martini came into existence we knew it was special. Inexplicably sliding down your throat like icy cold molten lava, we struggled to formulate an adequate description. Fearing, because the drink was so powerful, that we would face multiple law suits if we put this volatile concoction on our menu we decided in the end it would only be safe to offer ONE drink PER PERSON per LIFE TIME. Ladies, ladies, before you protest, please try and understand: The Martini . . . shakes/stirs itself! (Cue dramatic music) ( O-O )
The Thriller
THE THRILLER — (Inspired by MJQuan) It sizzles, it pops, it dances in your mouth and then it gets down in you and makes you wanna dance, too. One sip, and your hand is up in the air, you’re pursing your lips and saying, “Oooooo”!!! This is our most popular non-alcoholic drink. You can take it all day and never get tired. Enjoy!
5,390 Responses to “Da Smooth Criminal Bar Room”
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"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
(Spike to Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)
"So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee." W. Shakespeare
"----->His intelligence is instinctual and emotional, like a child’s. If any artist loses that childlikeness, you lose a lot of creative juice. So Michael creates around himself a world that protects his creativity”. ~ Jane Fonda
Oh don’t apologize! He just asks one of his friends what year is it, and then he says to someone what color is Michael, and she says, as if it’s obvious, Black and he screams in joy.
I must say, because of Michael the 80s ROCKED!!!!!
Katie after 10 shots of L.O.V.E. you’ll be great philosphers like we are – NOT!
Martinigirl- You’re leaving? :(
I guess more for me. Where are you Gracie?
Okay ladies, the next round of drinks are on me.
Sabine, get off the floor. That is not cute honey.
LMAO!!!!!
(I like this picture better. I kinda felt sorry for the girl in the last pic, who ever she might be.)
*jumping off the floor* Hi Cheluvmj!!!! Quickly, L.O.V.E. shot for Cheluvmj!!!!! Quickly, Quickly, just bring the bottle!!!!! And TWO glasses!!!
Martinigirl, we love you too!!! As a matter of fact, right about now I love everyone!!!!!
*Grace returns from the kitchen, peanut butter in her hair*
OMG that picture is hysterical!
thanks for the drink msjanice…keep ’em comin’!! I could drink these all day!
listen up Sabine…umm, how many times have you passed out now?!? and yet you just keep bouncing back!
*practicing for my American Idol audition*
“What the world needs now, is LOVE sweet LOVE,….it’s the only thing, that ther’s just..too little of…”
amazing! it even makes you sing better!
I am here in spirit!
that is not coffee in my mug!
KEEP DrInKING ladies….
okay, one more shot before i have to go pick up the kids at school…
*sigh* can anyone even look at that sweet .gif up there and not feel warm and fuzzy?
thanks for the smiles today girls :) My cheeks hurt!!
XOXO
Sorry msjanice… I am back – mama has to look like she is working! (Still waiting on that boss button Sabs!)
*pacing*
*pacing*
*pacing*
Waiting patiently for Annie to come and have a LOVE shot with us!
*rolling out from under bar and looking up from the floor at Martinigirl w/ a smile*
Hiiiii!!!!
Where’s my shot glass!!!!! Gracie, I swear, you sound just like Michael to me! :)
Oh my Sabine. The sight of the drink is making me drool.
Please excuse me *wiping my chin*
oh….. I need this.
I just finished typing up my concert memories… will post after I get my “kids” in order!
PINK DRINK…
PINK DRINK…
YUMMIE!
I’ve been staring at that pic for 15 minutes straight. I NEED HELP!
Seriously, I want to know what it taste like. Ughhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, MsJanice, take it from me. I’ve had about forty since yesterday, it’s fruity, yet tangy, bold but also mild. Refreshing and satisfying. It’s every good adjective you can think of!
Nothing mild for me…
may I have a golden boy – pretty please??
gosh MartiniGirl, doesn’t anyone around here pay attention to the ONE golden boy limit?!
I’m with you though, i’ve been throwing back shots of LOVE today but it’s 8PM, time for something stronger….think i’ll have a Foreplay, always a great way to start off the night ;)
I am right with you sister…
Sabs is off with CM – lemme see if I can slip in a GB (shhhhhhhh) before she finds out.
*arms on hips tapping my foot on the floor* Martinigirl, Isn’t this like your fourth or fifth Golden Boy? Our employee insurance policy doesn’t cover this!
LOL! HA! MartiniGirl you got SCHOOLED girl!! (LOL I sound like my son)
sorry, I didn’t know she was lurking or I wouldn’t have brought it up…forgive me? Here….join me in a Sangre….I love the way the wine hits you.
Ooooh… A Sangre is sounding pretty good right about now. First drink is on me.
It’s time to have some fun.
woohoo! thanks msjanice…gonna be a good good night!
just time for one more on me .. Foreplays all around!…love you ladies but the man of my dreams is on his way home.
night-night :)
hmmmmmmmm YUM Sangre..
I might need a special leave of absense boss if you can’t help me with the med plan.
I have this very rare affliction GoldenBoyojities… – only cured by endless supplies of Foreplay followed directly by a Golden Boy.
hehe
night Gracie – almost my bedtime too.. been up since 5AM at my age – I can’t miss any beauty sleep!.
GoldenBoyojities and OvahXposure — sounds fatal to me. *hammering a sign that says I’m looking to hire a new bartender*
yes! I finally made it. Do you know how long it takes to read all the comments from a phone. But anyways. I think i might be the only one who only had one Golden any. Shouldnt i get a prize or something?
Well don’t act too quickly…. I might make a speedy recovery.
There is nothing that a shot or two of LOVE can’t fix!
hey MJQuan..hello there!
LOL – I can’t imagine reading these on your phone… especially when it is happy hour!
Happy Hump Day lasses… I am off for the day! Cheers, clink and have a wonderful day!!
OMG Sabine…
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of the most beautiful movies ever made. It’s seriously in like my top 10 of all time. So unique and heartfelt. i wonder if Michael saw it and what he thought of it??? I totally see it as a film that he would L.O.V.E.
A lot of drinking going on here today, ladies!!!
I’ll take a foreplay, please. Been having some very racy Michael discussions with some other MJ fans that have left me a little randy.
Please hurry with the next chapter, Sabine!!!!!!!!!!
;)
Goodness you girls start drinking early in here!…I’m just stopping in for a lunchtime cocktail…have a busy busy day today so i can’t hang out and get wasted like yesterday!
MartiniGirl i hope you are enjoying your day off…can’t imagine what i would do with one of those!
anyone tending bar?…if not i’ll just help myself to a Creamy Mike or two…mmmmm…heavenly:)
Sabine, i’m not even going to talk to you because I KNOW you are somewhere birthing that new chapter…need help with your breathing?..hee hee hoo… hee hee hoo…and PUSH!
YAY!!!!
I’ve just helped myself to two Golden Boys.
Party! Party! Party!
Hey ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s up with everyone doing drive byes to the bar?
Just don’t want you guys getting pulled over for a DUI or even arrested unless its by MJ. LOL
Perhaps I’ll start off with something not too strong. Maybe a Sangre will do the trick.
*perfect*
Hello wonder ladies…
Gracie… you make me laugh… not a day off – I was off to start my day @ work. : ) (btw – I love the love of your life comment… I have been married for 17 yrs…. ACK!)
Enola gurl – so glad we could share our memories here… it is amazing how similar they are!
Yo.. msjanice… I would like to sit and have a sangre with you… but I am only home for a few minutes – then I gotta go to the local gym and stretch out the seniors… I think I am gonna hit them with PYT today – and see how they do.
Oh! that could be a drink for all us PYT’s in here!
I’m an addict waiting for the crack and I really need a shot now… please… @_@
I guess I just missed you Martinigirl. I just came back from doing some work but I’m sitting at the bar with my glass of Sangre trying to relax.
OMG! I really feel like I’ve just given birth!!! Some one get me a drink quick! The next chapter is up girls! :) *watches stampede of women run out of bar*
*running to get Sabine a Mikegasm*
Here you go girl. Just lay here and relax. But I gotta go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*running out to read the next chapter*
LOL – Nooooooooooo!! msjanice (OMG your curl) don’t go away! I’ll need something too, this chapter is LONG!
*taking a sip from Sabine’s Mikegasm*
evening all you beautiful ladies!
ohhhhhhhh what a fabulous little surprise to come outta the shower to!!
I am all exhausted from my yoga exploits with the seniors… but now I feel all invigorated with a my LOVE shot… here you go boss… one for you too
Yippee off to read the chapter.
God bless you Sabine! Give me a Mikegasm and make it a double!
You have no idea how badly i need a hit tonight…let me just say that i just finished cleaning poop off of the floor. no lyin’. ’nuff said.
Oh hell, make it a Big Gulp and give me a lid and a straw, I’m running over to the new chapter….
*sighs* Ok, so I guess everybody ran out of the bar to read the chapter and I must stay here to watch the place…
*putting on her MJ apron ->
omg I am outta breath… and I am not even finish reading yet… this is better than my work out…
right now we are at That’s one…. Oh crap you are gonna kill me.
Annie… gimme something – anything!
I’m back!!!!! Okay, pour me some L.O.V.E. — what’s the crowd like tonight Martinigirl?
O_O My pic just showed up!
Yeah, right now, MartiniGirl… erm… *shaking hands* … uhm… I’m too reading while I’m reading the chapter *blushing* Yeah, I know a good bartender doesn’t do that… now… well… what am I gonna give you?! *sweating all the liquid content of the bar through her forehead* I don’t even know how to open a beer! Ok, here, a glass of iced water with a touch of lemon, depending on what part of the chapter you are you might need it… if you know what I mean *raising eyebrows*
okay – I am sill not done yet… we are in the gallery… i see it coming, I see it COMING
Squeeeeeeeeeeeee Sabine.. because we are in the bar I can say it.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU – this too FREAKIGN GOOD to be true.
okay I have to finish then I am buying my boss anything she wants.
*sneaking away*
Annie… no come back. come back…
i need somthing other then this lemon thingy!
Okay I am spent… I can’t even comment…. I need a drink…
Uh, don’t scare me! As somebody said, we’ll need a pharmacy room and a massages one for the post-chapter moments.
HI Annie, Hi Martingirl, I heard you yelling down the hall!!!! I need a refill! I went into the Cowboy Mike Reading Room expecting praise and cheers and everyone told me to SSSSSssssh, and get the hell out while they were reading!!! *downing a shot of L.O.V.E.*
Here you go – anything for you.
oh honey… OH HONEY – what are you doing to us?
I am still not ready to comment – serioulsy – I need to let this simmer (and maybe re read a few sections again)
But thank you! I got a nice little Shake Your Body boogie gif… OUCH and I got my Mikey wake up call.
I am grinning/blushing from ear to ear REALLY – I am a happy Martini…
We are! I keep coming back from there in between paragraphs!
*refilling Sabine’s shot*
Martinigirl, girl (LOL), say something. I don’t like to see you that way, with your jaw dropped to the top of the bar as if we have a new opener for bottles.
*placing her finger on the jaw and closing her mouth*
*using Martini’s jaw to open a Mr. M* You guys ask me for long chapters, but you CAN’T HANDLE THE LONG CHAPTERS LOL!!!!!!
I swear it’s “longer than a day without bread” (typical saying from here – LOL)
We like it LONG!
Martinigirl, I want that mouth closed by the time I come back here! I’m starting to worry.
*running back to the reading room*
Sipping on a straw with my jaw sufficiently locked in place!
You can hit me with the long chapters – but don’t give me everything at once.
I feel amply spoiled this chapter!
Watching the body waves from Yokohama from the one song that first made me love Mike….
My wakeup call – yippee…
Antoinette getting it good…
And I haven’t even indulged my fantasies in the.. That’s One… : )
Really Sabine – if I took this straw outta my lips and kept my jaw from dropping – you would die if you could see the smile on my face!